Get Set...

It's coming, very soon now: the end of one year and beginning of another!

I know in my head that tomorrow is just another day, that things that are happening today will happen tomorrow and that stories that are currently being revealed in my life will continue on with the dawning of a new day.

I know it in my head. My heart kind of disagrees.

My heart is excited by the magical turning of a calendar page to a clean slate, to an empty book of pages, to the symbolic meaning behind January 1st. I am perhaps a romantic at heart but I love the idea of a wide open road that's as yet unknown but that is within reach. It just makes me giddy!

So, I'm poised on the brink of a new year. I'm thinking through resolutions, I'm searching for a 2010 verse and a song, I'm making preparations for the anticipated but undefined!

Lest anyone not know, I must tell you that this anticipation comes from the Lord. It's not something that has always come naturally to me but it's a place where I've seen God refine and grow and push me in. I look forward with hope and optimism not because I am so great or my circumstances are so great (although I honestly can't complain either) but because my God is so great! Whatever may come in the next 365 days is not a surprise to the sovereign God who loves me in ways I can't begin to comprehend. The more I realize this, the more I'm excited and not just with the passing of another year but with the passing of each and every day! With the realization that He is constantly, sovereignly at work in my life and in me I grow to rejoice in every new morning that He gives.

So the new year is wonderful in its newness and promise. But at the same time, every single day that I live and breathe on this earth is infused with the same joyful anticipation because the God who reigns in my todays will reign in my tomorrows and that's far and away the best thing to get excited about!

Until He comes, let us praise Him with our lives!

A most happy and blessed new year to all!

Get Ready...

It's New Year's Eve Eve and I'm tying up things with ribbons and bows in preparation for saying farewell to 2009. The blog has a new look (which I adore and am sad to realize can't stay for long since it's got a Christmas tree), donations are made, closet is emptied (!), bills are paid, and the little ticks of the clock are counting down the last days of the year.

I am excited! I am overwhelmingly, exuberantly, excited about the coming year. I have no idea what it holds, I don't know what I'll do or where I'll go or what stories I'll have told when I sit here next year on the second to last day of 2010.

However, for now I must stop and say that 2009 has been good for me. No, better than good. It's been a great year! Sure, there have been struggles and pains but overall, this year has definitely been tipped towards the good and I'm somewhat sad to see it go. Sad to say goodbye but thrilled to say hello!

Today, though, I'm pausing in gratitude for the days that have come and the joys and sorrows and memories made this year. God has been so very very good and always so very very faithful. All praise to Him for what has been and all glory to Him for what will come. He has been the ribbon of joy that's colored all of my days this past year and I long only for Him to be reflected in every moment that is to come.

What has been has been very good. What will come will be very good. My God is always very good. That's real joy!

Christmas 2009

He comes down;
down from the heights of absolute being
into time and space,
down into humanity;
down further still, ...
to the very roots and seabed
of the Nature He has created.
But He goes down to come up again
and bring the whole ruined world
up with Him.
~C.S. Lewis

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."
~Luke 2:10-11

Wherever you are today, whatever your circumstance, whatever burden you might carry. Let me be the first to remind you that this is a day to rejoice for the God who loves you stepped into a world wrought with sin and held captive by evil to redeem and rescue and restore you so that you might live in peace both in this world and in the world to come. My prayer is that you would know Him and that His love would permeate your life in such a way that you may never be the same.

A most very merry and joyful Christmas to you.
For the Lord has come and we are forever changed!

Mercy Remains

A thousand times I fail
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Thank you Hillsong for yet again using this song to speak truth into my life.

Right now I'm in a season of a lot of failings and stumblings and just trying to keep my head above water when the combined stress of work and school and life are threatening to take me under. If there's one thing I hate about my job it's the stress that it brings to the Christmas season. It makes me so much less of the person I want to be and truthfully, right now, I just miss my time with Jesus so badly that I could just cry. I know that this season will pass and my schedule will relax and my classes will end and my program will be delivered. Yet in the middle of it, I'm just so very sad that I don't have the time to just sit and be still and reflect and engage and celebrate. Instead it's rushing and organizing and long hours at a computer.

In these days, I feel like I'm just stumbling...constantly.

I needed to hear that mercy and grace still hold me close. Even when I am feeling frustratingly overwhelmed. God is still good. Someday, I pray my life won't look like this in December. For now though, I'm just going to rest for just one moment (because it's all I have) to remember that God still catches me when I fall and carries me when I can't go another step. He's truly the best.

And now back to work...

Reminder

First song of the morning: "From The Inside Out"

First lyric that I really heard:

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise

This life can't ever be about me. If I allow it to become so, I fail in realizing the purposes of my days. I may not understand all things (ok, I don't understand all things...how ridiculous would that be) but I do know that my life has to be completely wrapped up in the purposes of my Lord in order for it to work at all.

Good reminder for me. One I don't think is coincidental today.

Oh, and a most happy December to all! Thoughts on the coming of our savior, prayer, and much more coming up soon.

Quick Thoughts

I'm thinking that next year I might have to relegate this whole thankfulness concept to one spot of my blog. I've written daily but I've not committed many thoughts of serious consequence to these pages. So now, when I look back, I see a month full of wonderful things (which most months are) but little depth. I don't know that I love that as much as when my gratitude is showered through the month as I ponder the depths of what is going on in and around me rather than constantly finding gratitude taking center stage.

I guess just thoughts to ponder but I think I might do things differently next November. Guess it's never too early to start thinking about what is to come! :)

PS: How silly is it that I just wrote this post? Perhaps posts like this are really where the lack of depth comes in! :)

{Gratitude} 23 of 30

Equally thankful today for both good friends and chocolate, in no particular order or preference! I love it when they come together as they did this evening as I gathered with wonderful dear friends around a fondue pot for a couple of hours of sharing stories and laughter. I suspect that there aren't enough hours in anyone's life but I think that the more time I find for doing things like this, the better and more productive I will be in every other area of my days! Simply put, it was a good food, good company kind of evening!

{Gratitude} 22 of 30

Thankful for a Sunday. God knew what He was doing when He instructed us to set aside one day a week for rest. I may not be perfect at it but I love it when my Sundays revolve around worship and friendship and relaxing. There's a beauty to starting the week like that and simply finding the time to breathe deeply. Ahhhh, lovely.

{Gratitude} 21 of 30

Thankful for my roommate!
Seriously, nothing really beats dinner at Christina's, honest conversation, discussions about what God is doing, and then late night tea and general hanging out. So happy she's home, so happy she loves Jesus too, so happy we get to hang out and do so much of life together! :)

{Gratitude} 20 of 30

Thankful today for those who are willing to go and reach many people who don't know the Lord. Today one returned and many left and I have no doubt that God was and will be glorified through everything that both teams do. I've traveled to foreign countries before and have seen what God can do and I just know that amazing things occur when people are willing to be fully used by the Lord for the expansion and development of His kingdom. I'm reminded today of the challenge to go and make disciples and I'm rejoicing for those who are actively doing so in far away lands (and also for all who are daily pursuing the same goal in their lives here!).

{Gratitude} 16-19 of 30

Well, I kind of fell off the wagon on this whole gratitude tracking thing. Which is funny because every day I've thought of something else I'm extremely grateful for. So, I'll just leave a list of things that have made me smile over the last couple of days!

Coffee, friends, laughter, missions, random encounters, hummus, fireplaces, finishing tests, decorating for Christmas, hot chocolate, making plans, a nice hello, powerful challenges, great speakers, work accomplished, not throwing my computer out the window, late night phone calls, being positive, potluck Thanksgiving dinners, vacuuming, a new CD, LIFE!

Life is incredible, every day, every minute, always. Yet it's just a taste of the greatness that is to come. I can't even begin to imagine or fathom what awaits on the other side of these breaths. God is SO good!

Breathe deeply and be grateful. We are so blessed!

{Gratitude} 15 of 30

For the first of the holiday dinners I give thanks! Tonight as my Bible fellowship class gathered for our annual Thanksgiving dinner I was just so thankful for the gathering of community around a table where we stopped, enjoyed each others company and great food, and gave thanks to the God who made every moment possible. This is what the holidays should be about. Those we love giving thanks to the One who loves us. May this overwhelmed heart find even more moments in each holiday to come. For today though, I'm just thankful for turkey and stuffing and pie and a wonderful evening to enjoy it!

{Gratitude} 14 of 30

I am grateful today to be starting another year! For a birthday that was completely full of wonderful, incredible, beautiful moments with dear amazing friends. I really believe that few people are so blessed to be surrounded by those who love them and whom they love in return. I can not believe what a blessing it is and how incredibly grateful to God I am for the life He's given me and the number of days He's provided. I can hardly wait to see what comes next but for today, I am ever so grateful for all of the goodness that's already been given. All glory to Him, truly. He gives great gifts!

{Gratitude} 13 of 30

For Fridays I am most thankful. This week seemed quite long and I am happy that the weekend has arrived and I have many fun plans involving so many dear and wonderful friends. Some weeks just make you appreciate the weekend. Today, that's what I'm grateful for! :)

{Gratitude} 12 of 30

Today I'm thankful for Brady. It might seem like a silly thing to be thankful for the dog but when I returned home last night after a long day and all I wanted was a hug, he met me at the door with exuberant hops and then was thrilled at just the opportunity to lay on the couch near me and sleep. He'll never take the place of people in my life but sometimes it's just really nice to be welcomed home by someone who is just so very excited that you've returned and you're going to spend some time with them. He may spend his fair share of time driving me nuts but when all is said and done, I'm always thankful that he's around.

{Gratitude} 11 of 30

Today I'm thankful for modern medicine. I watched as a friend faced emergency surgery and marveled at the technology available at our fingertips. At the same time I was thinking of how grateful I was for these incredible machines I was also realizing that what we have we so often take for granted. My thankfulness is greatly increased simply by being aware of the great blessings we have at being able to go to a choice of hospitals with all of the modern medicines available. On this thought's heels comes the remembrance that to whom much is given, much is expected. So while I'm incredibly thankful for medicine, I'm also incredibly aware that we must use our lives to share with others who are less fortunate than us.

{Gratitude} 10 of 30

For my house and puppy and hot chocolate and fire...all those things that make up home! Today I'm just enjoying the blessing of having a place to call home. One filled with things that make me smile, encourage me, challenge me, and build up my confidence to face the outside world again. It's my place of retreat when I just need some room to ponder and a place that I'm so thrilled to open up to those who just need a special home away from home. I am utterly blessed to have such a place and I love being able to throw open the doors to the many wonderful people in my world and invite them to spend time here too!

{Gratitude} 9 of 30

Today I'm grateful for the ability to take a night off. My calendar had nothing on it, there was no crisis requiring my attention, my phone did not ring. So I sat down on the couch last night at 8pm and promptly fell asleep...for the next 11 hours. Oops. I could be frustrated because I didn't get much of anything done before my extended nap but instead, I'm just thankful that I had the time because I was really TIRED! And now I'm not! :)

{Gratitude} 8 of 30

Sundays with no required work! I absolutely love a Sunday when I am free to chase whatever interest I want, spend my time however I choose, and still know that when Monday rolls around, I won't be behind because I've goofed off over the weekend! I love an open schedule where I can go to church and worship God, help out others, cheer on a softball team, enjoy a cup of coffee and a wander around Target, spend time gathered with friends, and truly feel like even though I was busy every minute, it was a beautiful and relaxing day full of some the biggest blessings that God gives! Love it!

{Gratitude} 7 of 30

Celebrating joyful occasions in friend's lives! I so enjoy the opportunity to gather with friends to rejoice in the beautiful things that God has done in their lives. Whether babies or weddings or birthdays or really any occasion worthy of celebration, I am so grateful that I'm included in their joy and get to laugh and celebrate and share in their gratitude for God's goodness. It's a beautiful thing!

{Gratitude} 6 of 30

Friendships. There is really just little that's better than spending time with friends that you've accumulated through the years. I love those people who always make my heart happy when we gather together, whether it's been 10 years or 10 hours since we last saw each other. Today I was just again reminded of how grateful I am to God for placing such amazing people in my life and for giving me time to spend with all of them!

204!

I completely missed my 200th post...missed it by four to be exact! :)

So, this is my 204th time of sharing randomness, some wisdom, a lot of truth, stories of life, and my journey from there to here and from here to wherever!

I think it's just somewhat noteworthy to at least celebrate even silly little milestones...places along the road that deserve momentary recognition. So, while this isn't all that big of a deal, I'm pretty sure that there should at least be some confetti...and maybe some cake! :)

Hoping that all of you readers will join me for another hundred posts...not all at once though so no worries! :)

{Gratitude} 5 of 30

Starbucks. I know it's silly but I am so thankful for my local coffee shop haunt. It has gotten to the point of feeling like the world's greatest living room...comfortable seats, good drinks, friends behind the counter, favorite spots to sit, friends walking through the doors. A place for deep discussions, tears, laughter, thinking, writing, studying. It's just a place of comfort that I can escape to whenever the walls start closing in and I just need to spend some time somewhere that I can think!

{Gratitude} 4 of 30

Cake. Stories. Laughing. Coffee. Church. Sharing. Hugs. Smiles. Friends.
For doing life with wonderful people. Each and every day.

Proclaiming Him

1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
7 The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
11 By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
~Psalm 19

A week ago we studied Psalm 19. The next day I flew to Indianapolis. The beauty in the pictures reflects so perfectly the concept of God being glorified by the very earth, of it calling out in His honor. At the same time, when my temporary eyes can see this reality how much more weight is carried by verses 7-14 as they point back towards the power in the Word; the life-giving, life-sustaining, God-pleasing power? My faith is bolstered as I tie both ends of this Psalm together and see a magnificent God physically reflected in nature and spiritually connected through His Word.

AWESOME!

1. 10-26B, 2. 10-27A, 3. 10-27B, 4. 10-27C, 5. 10-27E, 6. 10-27I, 7. 10-27J, 8. 10-27N, 9. 10-27F, 10. 10-27Q, 11. 10-28C, 12. 10-28E, 13. 10-27H

{Cute}

I've officially become enamored with curly brackets (just in case you hadn't noticed)! I have no idea why but I just think they are so cute (for lack of a better word) on the page. Beats me, just a new quirk. Just thought I'd let you know that I realize that I'm not using them in their defined usage but I think they're going to stick around for a bit.

Now that's all I have to say about that! :)

{Gratitude} 3 of 30

A beautiful day: sunshine, blue skies, perfect temperatures, fall foliage.
Beauty everywhere!
Time to breathe deeply, take a longer walk, and give thanks to a very good God!

{Gratitude} 2 of 30

For the voice of a loved one. A phone conversation punctuated by stories, laughter, advice, plans. Knowing there's one who wants to hear my venting, my stories, my life, and sometimes the same things over and over and who still won't get annoyed (too much). Being the one for her when she needs to do the same.

{Gratitude} 1 of 30

For a sweet family that invites me in and lets me spend time with them; just watching their interactions, hearing their stories, sharing pictures and laughs. For not feeling like I'm on the outside looking in but rather for being able to catch a whiff of the feelings of home.

October {Captured Moments}

October
Such a month of joy and beauty. A month of working through some hard things and growing even more to appreciate the amazing blessings that God has given. A month of loving life and living it fully!

1. 10-1C, 2. 10-1J, 3. 10-2G, 4. 10-3B, 5. 10-3E, 6. 10-3H, 7. 10-5B, 8. 10-7D, 9. 10-8C, 10. 10-10B, 11. 10-10J, 12. 10-11B, 13. 10-11E, 14. 10-11R, 15. 10-12E, 16. 10-13, 17. 10-14E, 18. 10-18B, 19. 10-18H, 20. 10-22D, 21. 10-23B, 22. 10-23E, 23. 10-24B, 24. 10-25D, 25. 10-27E, 26. 10-27Q, 27. 10-27Z, 28. 10-28F, 29. 10-28M, 30. 10-29C, 31. 10-30B, 32. 10-30E, 33. 10-30H, 34. 10-31E, 35. 10-31C

Food for Thought

One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.
~John Piper

Hard

Life is hard.

Sometimes it's because I'm being so very self-centered. Sometimes it's because the sorrows carried by others are overwhelming. Sometimes it's because I'm tired. Sometimes it's because I've lost perspective and can't seem to find my way out.

This week just seems heavy. Trying to pick up pieces and carry them to God and leave them there. It's not working out as well as I wish. I suppose there are things to learn in the midst.

The biggest lesson: this too shall pass and God will always be faithful.

The Fight

Be prepared.
You're up against far more than you can handle on your own.
Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet.
~Ephesians 6:13

Really glad today that even when I'm not as prepared for the battles as I ought to be that God still gives me help and allows me to have hope that when the dust settles, I might still be standing through His power and strength.

Far more than I can handle...that's how I feel today. Don't know why. It just is.

The Way We Live

We all have...current relationships and responsibilities we can too easily take for granted. If we're wise, we'll see our duties not as unimportant ways to bide our time, but as springboards, launching us into God's plan and purpose for our future.
~Joshua Harris

God's various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is:
Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.
~1 Corinthians 12:4-7

I love it when I run across two things that both speak to the same topic! These also go along so well with my thoughts of yesterday and I wanted to share them too!

I sense such a challenge in my life and the lives of those I know to make good use of the moments that we're given. Perhaps you wish that you were in a different place, with a different person, in a different stage of life. I hate to have to write it, but our wishing won't change anything!

There's another option for us instead of just pointlessly wishing for things that aren't in our lives at the moment. Instead, what if we fully embraced these moments we have, realizing that every aspect of our lives and personalities and places are things that God himself is behind? What if in every choice we made we remembered the last part of the above verse, that each person is given something to do that shows who God is?

How different would our lives, our thoughts, our world look if we began to live like this? How many of us are created for such awesome things and miss them because we take our moments and days and years for granted, focusing on things that may or may not come and not engaging in the here and now?

I just wonder. For myself and for others.

God, help me be different in the way I live.

In The Doing

We find greatest joy, not in getting, but in expressing what we are.... People do not really live for honors or for pay; their gladness is not the taking and holding, but in doing, the striving, the building, the living.... The happy person is the one who lives the life of love, not for the honors it may bring, but for the life itself.
~ R.J. Baughan

This quote made me think of the following wisdom that Paul shares with us in Ephesians 2:10:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.

You and I, we've been created to do. We're not just here to pass the time or count the hours. We're here for the accomplishment of the acts of living, the acts of embracing every moment given to us by God for the purposes of His kingdom. We're not here to just be or collect or exist. We're here to live abundantly full lives, enabled and determined by a God who loves us because we are His and He made us for these moments.

I want to make sure that in every circumstance I'm striving to live a life marked by doing and experiencing and embracing. Let my life be characterized by the doing of the works that God made me to do!

Ahoy Matey! *

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,
and he receives favor from the Lord.
~Proverbs 18:22

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
~Proverbs 31:10

I'm seeing a lot of treasure around.

Kind of wondering where all the pirates who seek this stuff are hiding!

:)

*I didn't realize how ironic the title was before I chose it but once I did, it cracked me up too much to change it! :)

Desperation

We hear the word desperate often, usually with a negative connotation, usually in situations where there is a deep need of rescue or we're drowning in hopelessness or despair. Those are the times when we get desperate.

Lately I've been wearing out the Hillsong CD "All Of The Above" (seriously, the lyrics from this CD will rock your world) and there is a song called "Desperate People" with this chorus:

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

Year after year people will sing this chorus, will hum along, will appreciate the artistry. Yet how often are we really living out lives that reflect a desperate desire in our minds and hearts for Him? I feel as though this theme has been coming up in my life increasingly often and I am really being challenged by questions such as this.

Does my life and the lives of other Christians around me really reflect a sold-out passion for the things of God? Do we truly desire, above everything else, to know Him and chase His heart and allow His desires to become our own? I am convicted of the many times in my own life that this is not the case.

Go back to the beginning of this post though and remember when we usually see desperation...it shows up at the point of deepest need. I need a heart that is overcome with the neediness of my own life and personal shortcoming in every aspect. I need a heart that beats in line with His, that is broken and devastated by the things that dishonor Him and break His heart. I need to recognize that there is nothing that I can do to live the life He has for me apart from relying completely on Him. The truth is that I am desperate. Desperately in need of a savior. Desperately in need of transformation.

It's just that so often I settle for singing the lyrics and not really living them out.

Understanding

"[M]uch of the Christian life is spent trusting Jesus now and understanding him later."
-Jon Bloom

This sentence may sum up so much of the tension I feel as I try to walk in step with the Lord. It's not that I don't want to follow, it's not that I don't love Him. It's just that I long for understanding, oftentimes more than I long to trust.

From the time I was little, my desire for instant gratification has led me in frustrating paths of dissatisfaction and disillusionment. It's been one of those things that I've had to push up against and challenge as I've grown older and I'm no longer as impetuous when making a large purchase or so hasty to complete a task. Yet I still fight against the requirement to trust Him and walk with Him now while knowing that understanding is not in reach, or at least not guaranteed to be close by.

So I grow bit by bit in this walk, learning that it's not really His understanding I truly need, but rather, it's just Him. Or perhaps, more eloquently stated, "Our understanding his purposes in a particular providence tends to be not as important to God as our trust in his character." (Jon Bloom)

*All quotes from this article.

September: A Month of Moments

I'm attempting to cultivate the more creative parts of my brain and one of my attempts is to take a picture each day and share them at the end of the month. As you can see, I sometimes miss by a day but I've got 30 images from the month of September that I'm happy to share for my first attempt out of the gate. We'll see if I can get better in the months to come! So, here's where I've been in the last 30 days!


1. 9-1, 2. 9-2, 3. 9-3, 4. 9-4F, 5. 9-4D, 6. 9-4C, 7. 9-4B, 8. 9-4, 9. 9-6B, 10. 9-6, 11. 9-8, 12. 9-10B, 13. 9-10, 14. 9-11B, 15. 9-11, 16. 9-13B, 17. 9-13, 18. 9-17, 19. 9-18, 20. 9-19, 21. 9-19B, 22. 9-20, 23. 9-21, 24. 9-24B, 25. 9-24, 26. 9-25, 27. 9-27, 28. 9-28, 29. 9-29, 30. 9-30

Tuesday

I've been wondering about some things recently and trying to figure out what I'm being called towards and sent from and simply being a bit uncertain about what's next to come in my life. That's a pretty concise explanation but I'm not sure how best to put such thoughts into words. What I really wanted to share are the verses and quote that were on my little daily calendars for this date, this uneventful Tuesday in September. As I work things out in these days I found these to be a 'coincidental' reminder of God's plans and purposes. Maybe they'll encourage you today as well!

Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal.
~John 12:24-25 (The Message)

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:13-14

Don't wait to feel thankful, just give thanks anyway. Gradually this act of will is bound to change the attitude of mind and heart.
~Margaret Evening

Technology

I used to think in terms of blog entries. Everything that I encountered was assessed as having potential for ending up on this site.

Now I'm more likely to think in terms of Facebook statuses. I find myself thinking up random, interesting, sometimes witty, sometimes weird sentences that I can type up and set as an accurate description of my thoughts and feelings of the moment.

I've refused the temptation to Twitter and am holding out hope that I won't actually give in.

Here's the problem that I see with all of this:
I think I'm becoming more shallow because I'm not really investing time in thinking through things and figuring out how pieces fit together.

This blog used to be a place where I would write a lot of devotional pieces, reflections of mysteries explored in-depth during my time with the Lord, things that I thought would challenge and encourage others because they'd done so for me. I would take bits and pieces from what I'd read or thought or heard, shorten them up, add my thoughts, and post them here. It was already shorter than my journalling but it was still thoughtful.

Then came Facebook and I stopped trying to sum up anything. I just try to be interesting and get my thoughts across in few words without being too specific (after all, the whole world doesn't need to know every little thing about what's driving me nuts at the moment). It's fine but I think that it's encouraged me to be lazy.

I like Facebook, I like blogging, I like technology. What I don't like is when I see myself accepting one sentence as a good enough self-assessment of where I am at any given point. There should be more to my thoughts than that and I need to spend the time to get them organized and reviewed and written. I need to fight the tendency to have ADD with my writing and find ways to challenge and push myself instead of tapping out a few words and moving on. It will be hard. It doesn't match my current tendency to do more with less time! Yet I don't think that people like C.S. Lewis or John Piper or Dallas Willard were afraid of taking the time to ponder. Not that I hope to compare myself to them but I think I could probably learn a thing or two (or hundreds) from the depths of their thoughts and writings.

I think I've been allowing technology to drive me towards a much more shallow perspective and I sense the need to reclaim the opportunity in each moment for pondering the depths and stop letting myself be happy in the shallows.

Mysteries remain mysterious often because we don't take the time to study them and discover their source and effects. In the end I don't want this to be said of my life and thoughts and I want to leave behind something more substantial than a bunch of Facebook statuses or some trite blog entries.

Not sure what's to come but this is some food for thought.

The Learning We Do

Unlike many of the blogs that I read I'm not snapping pictures of my cute kiddos and putting them on a bus or dropping them off at my local school. Rather, I'm the one headed studiously back to the classroom yet again and you'll find no pictures of me sporting cute school gear! :)

It's been one week and so far things are going well. I'm only taking one class (yes, it's a relatively easy semester after last year's insanity) and I think I'm going to enjoy it. It's Anatomy and Physiology, Part II and while I've never really excelled at biology in the past, I'm realizing that there's something completely amazing about it. What I'm finding is that every single day, what we discuss makes me think about God.

Truly, I have absolutely no idea how I ever sat through all of my biology classes before without being totally captivated by the creativity of the Lord as reflected in creation! The way that the human body fits together is completely mind-blowing. I could go on and on about how the muscles work with the bones and the calcium and the food we eat and the way our organs function...but seeing as how I've probably just lost most of you, I'll leave it at that! :)

Sufficient (or perhaps more accurately, insufficient) to say, our God is a creator of magnificent proportions. It's not just in mountains and galaxies but in the way you are able to cross the street and the fact that you can smell a yummy cookie baking to perfection! God is everywhere, from the smallest to the largest, and for me, my classes are a privilege that allows me to put more pieces together in seeing His incredibleness*!

There you go, school and God. Sounds about like a day in my life! :)

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!How vast is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:15-17

*No, it's not a word but I think it should be! :)

Well

Today I was sitting at my computer and the hymn "It Is Well" began playing through the speakers. I've always loved this hymn and part of the power is knowing the story that the hymn writer walked through prior to penning the words. Yet today that wasn't what brought tears to my eyes.

Instead, it was the reality that it truly is well with my soul. Come what may, through good and bad, no matter the path, it is always always for eternity going to be well with my soul.

Not because of anything I have to offer but because of a payment made on my behalf by a God who was not obligated to me or enchanted by any charms that I may possess. Rather, in spite of my sins and my pathetic attempts at goodness, He still chose to give His life so that I may be redeemed.

At the cross I received the ability to sing and to know that it truly is well with my soul. Incredible.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
2 Corinthians 5:21

Playing With Photos #4

It's Friday and it's been quite some time since I've pulled out my photo editing tools and played around with I ♥ Faces Friday Fix-It photo. Since I've found a couple of spare moments this morning I'm giving today's pic my best shot.

Original from Alesha from Snapshots of Us:
My edit using Picnik:
I increased the highlights and brought his face out of the shadows a bit and then set it to black and white at about 60% to give it a cooler shade which I liked. Finally I went for a crop to bring his eyes into a bit more focus. Fun stuff...it's making me want to buy a new camera! :)

Changes

My blog needed a face-lift.

The old look just seemed a bit less joyful than I wanted it to be. There's no question that it was somewhat a reflection of my life when I redesigned last but now, as always, time has moved me on and things are different and I wanted more color, more life, more beauty, more joy!

I hope you enjoy the new look! I expect it won't be too long before the autumn season will inspire me to make another change but, for today, may this one make you think of long, sunny, summer days where the most important things in our lives are moments spent with friends and family making memories that will last well into the winter and often for lifetimes to come.

Blessings to all!

Texts Gone Awry

Several days ago my phone buzzed and I was excited because I knew it was a text which usually means one of the wonderful people in my life thought about something and wanted to share.

Didn't know the number which was weird...then I opened it:
"What u up to this is brandon"

Huh? I don't really think I know any Brandons who would text that. Whatever.

Later on, another message. This time I get:
"What up sexy what you doing"

Great. My phone is now randomly hooking me up to some guy who I'm pretty darn sure I don't know and I can't figure out how to block his number.

Later that night, another message.

Without further ado, let me introduce you to Brandon:


Brandon and his laundry. Brandon who is probably about 14. Brandon whose parents should perhaps know what he's doing with his text messaging package.

Thanks Brandon. Good to know there are guys like you out there.

The Wonder of It All

Few words, many thoughts, long stretches of time.

I'm not uninspired to write, just unsure of what to communicate. This seems to be a season of life where I'm continually learning more about who I am and being stretched in new directions and put through new paces. It's powerful and stressful (at moments) and incredible.

We do not stay the same. Not a single one of us is exactly as we were yesterday and tomorrow we'll be just ever so slightly different. Whether you believe in God or whether you don't, this is true. Whether you're a guy or a girl, this is true. It really doesn't matter one little bit where you come from or where you've been, this is true simply because we're human beings.

Now here's what's amazing to me today:

My life is always in motion. The characters come and go, the surroundings change, the goals are modified, daily expectations shift, the dreams are bigger, the trials more intense, the joys even more consuming. Motion everywhere.

Yet, in the center of all of it, my identity is found unmovable. Unmovable because almost 16 years ago I made a choice to follow Christ. The journey that began over half a lifetime ago (yes, that's some good math there) has been nothing short of incredible in its movement but has always maintained that tether to the One who doesn't change.

Today I'm just in awe of the wonder around this. That this verse would be true of me leaves me amazed: How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1)

What an identity. What a future. What a promise.

What a rock to hold on to regardless of what may swirl around.

Life is beautiful in its journeys. Today I'm appreciating that all over again!

Quiet

I have nothing pressing to say, no profound wisdom to offer, no crisis to dissect or celebration to herald. I suspect that's why so many days pass without me finding words to write on these 'pages'. It's a funny thing, when life becomes quiet, the need to share becomes less important.

It's not that things aren't good. In fact, I would venture to say that these have been some of the most wonderful days I've ever walked through. So maybe it'd be just the opposite. In the good, there's not always much that's exciting and that makes me less prone to share!

And now, while I didn't plan to have anything deep to share, I see a correlation that I'll just point out. Often, this same mindset drives my relationship with the Lord. I run to Him when things get rough and I don't know which way to turn. I'll press in, finding security and peace and joy through that relationship. Then, eventually, the pressure eases and I take some steps on my own, not holding on quite so tightly as I did before.

I will never understand this mindset in me. I will never get how I can believe for a moment that I can walk through my life without hanging onto the Lord. Yet I do it time and again and then something happens and I run back to Him.

If this cycle does not reflect only my great unfaithfulness and God's great faithfulness then I've missed the mark completely. That He continues to welcome me back, hold me close, and restore me is utterly amazing. In my pride and self-sufficiency, I deserve no grace. Yet at every turn, I am shown grace.

I hope that I never cease to be amazed.

Needed: One Brain

I think that my brain has officially abandoned my body. I have no idea where I lost it but it seems to be gone. Apparently when I finished class my brain decided that it was done too and left on vacation without taking the rest of me with it.

Within the last 24 hours I have forgotten the names of two people I know well, numerous times forgotten a word that should have just come to mind, and generally been unable to remain focused.

Ah well, here's to summer vacation! If you see my brain though, let it know that we go back to school in a week!

:)

Summertime

Somehow another month is starting to draw to a close and I'm simply standing amazed that I've marked off yet another set of days! This month has had challenges as I've navigated through it on crutches in my super-stylish boot but overall things are great!

I've finished my semester at school and have been thoroughly enjoying the break in my schedule to do a whole lot of nothing and also to spend time with people I love! It's been such a blessing to have my calendar wide open to whatever opportunities present themselves!

I'm not looking forward to returning to the classroom next fall but for the first time in many years, summer has real meaning! :) I did manage to pull off an A in my extremely challenging class though so I'm thinking that all the hours spent at my dining room table studying were worth it! I've never worked so hard for a grade in my life. It's all steps in this journey for me but I'm so very excited about what God has in store for the next moments and days! I believe that there is so much good and I simply want to cherish every moment that He gives!

Living out loud, arms open to possibilities, singing at the top of my lungs, twirling under the stars. That's how I'm feeling these days! Hope your moments are just as joyous!

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
~Psalm 16:11

Detours

There is some funny irony in the fact that I wrote about taking risks on Friday and later that day I decided to do something I normally might not and ended up in the emergency room. No major problems but I'm not going to be running marathons anytime in the near future! :)

The thing is though, even though the result wasn't what I would have chosen, I still kind of think that the risk I took was probably worth it. It was a bit of a freak accident but I was having fun up until it happened and I really do believe that God will use even my current situation for good. I know that it is pushing me out of my chosen comfort zone and forcing me to evaluate, yet again, what I truly find my identity in. Funny how lessons I think I've learned often show up in different forums as I move through life! It's also showing me how truly blessed I am with the relationships I have in my world and how amazing it is to yet again see the body of Christ working together!

I'm not going to say that it's been all roses (and my deepest apologies to anyone who has had to deal with me being grumpy) but I do know that there are lessons to be learned even in the challenges. Sometimes it's good for me to be pushed down a bit so that I can truly put into practice those things that I tend to talk about a lot. This journey isn't coming to a quick end I'm afraid but I hope that through it all I can find ways to minister to others while allowing them to minister to me. Sometimes it's hard to not want to throw myself a pity party but I'm really going to try to avoid it (and feel free to call me on it if you see me going down that road). I'm finding silver linings and working through what is really only a very small detour in a path that I don't even see clearly most of the time!

Oh yeah, and if anyone wonders, it's not as if this is a surprise to God so I'm quite certain He'll use it for His purposes if I don't become a big sourpuss! God's just cool like that.

So, I still say that you should take risks. I might recommend you don't fall off a wall though! :)

Risk

I saw this video last night and it really struck a chord with me. The truth, and something I've mentioned before, is that I can so easily let myself be paralyzed by fear instead of boldly stepping out into new situations. It's something that I know I need to always allow God to work in and it's also a place where I feel like I've made progress through the years. Yet I still find myself shying away from situations that make me feel as though I can't succeed or that require great risks. I recognize that it's really silly for me to fear when I'm backed up by the God of the universe but I still find myself doing it.

All that said, this video reminds me of why I always need to be pursuing risks when God opens doors. Life is never about just being safe. There's nothing that I can do to add to or take away from the number of days that He has ordained for me. Regardless of how scared I might be to jump, I can do so knowing that God goes before me and when my primary pursuit is Him then I'm freed to live with arms truly wide open. I want Him to look at my life and be proud of the way I grasped things He placed before me. I want to learn to both succeed and fail boldly.

Risks are sometimes meant to be taken. That's where you'll often find God holding you!

Generosity

The world of the generous gets larger and larger...The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.
~Proverbs 11:24-25

It's so easy to hang on to our treasures, believing that they'll do us better by remaining in our possession. God calls us to such a different mindset though. He challenges us to hold all with open hands, giving to those in need and seeking always to offer to others what we might want to keep for ourselves. This isn't an easy task sometimes, regardless of what is actually being given. Yet in the most excellent manner of God, He abundantly blesses when we choose to let go.

Whether it's time or money or possessions or space or your heart, know that in the holding loosely and giving to others you will be blessed in ways far beyond what you can imagine. I've seen it happen in my life and in the lives of many others. It's just how our God works! Backwards from the world but ever so beautiful to those who experience Him!

Countdown

This semester is almost over!

I can hardly wait. I want freedom from class, freedom from reading, freedom from my computer, freedom from hours of sitting at my table and studying. I want to play and goof around and do those things that I've had to neglect as I've studied like crazy.

It's taking everything in me to stay focused until the end. I am just so ready to finish!

I must be absolutely crazy to have signed up for more classes.

Ah well, those don't happen until later. In the meantime, counting down to freedom at least for the moment!

Playing With Photos #3

I know I've been missing from blog world but I'll jump in for a quick photo edit and then try to find some time to expound on where I've been and what I've been up to. As always, great stories to come! :)

Check out I ♥ Faces for more edits this week!

Original image:


My edits using Picnik:

My goal was to bring a bit more color into the shot, livening it up a touch. I would like to play up his beautiful eyes but can't find a way to do that on Picnik. I feel like my result is a bit grainier than I'd prefer but I liked the colors I achieved.

Second edit:

I am always hesitant about cropping beyond the face borders but decided to play a bit and give it a shot. I liked how this one turned out and I found a way to sort of bring out the eyes and mouth a touch more while softening up the rest. Such fun! :)

Anyways, still a novice...maybe learning a bit more each week!

Alabaster Boxes

³While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head. ⁴Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? ⁵It could have been sold for more than a year's wage and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly. ⁶"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. ⁸She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. ⁹I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."
~Mark 14:3-9

Today is the third day of Passion Week, the days leading up to the celebration of Christ's resurrection. This past Sunday so many years ago, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, knowing for certain that the appropriate time had been reached for Him to offer up His life as a sacrifice for all. Today finds Him at the home of Simon, spending time with those He loved and continuing to teach them about the reality of what He came to do. In the midst of a discussion with the men, we find this story about a boldly courageous woman and her actions.

Here's what I'm struck with as I read this passage: this act was an enormous risk for her to take. She was a woman approaching a group of men, preparing to pour oil over one of them. I can only imagine the courage that it required for her to take that box and go to the house, to grab it from where she'd placed it when she entered, and to approach Christ as He sat with the others. Huge risk!

Yet, huge reward!

She took a chance; pushed herself to take action when prudence called for her to avoid it. Her love of the Savior eliminated her fear and drove her to leap off the cliff of safety and into the land of risk. She had to know that the outcome was uncertain but she also knew there was no choice for her in that moment but to express her adoration of Him with action. That He so vocally affirmed her simply reflects the depth of His compassion and love for those who pursue Him. For her, it was an outcome unknown and yet, in the risking, she received a beautiful new experience with her Savior.

I envy this woman. I so often fear and struggle to step out in total faith to the places where I'm uncertain and scared. Risky love frightens me and it is hard for me to be moved toward boldness. I am fearful at times to dump out the contents of my heart upon the Savior and discover what He has for me. Yet there are also moments when the imperfect love I have for the God who saved my soul drives out fear and I rush off the cliff into whatever He has called me to with arms open wide. Moments when I am so fully and completely aware that what I have in God is worth any rejection or ridicule that I might face from the world as I follow Him. Those are the moments that I love!

As I reflect on the action Mary took with her alabaster jar, I hope that I will grow ever more willing to follow the Lord completely with exuberance and the total faith that He will never fail and therefore I can risk when He calls me to do so. I want to be led by the Savior and open to taking chances even if they seem to be in places where the risk is too high. I want to break my very heart over the feet of Jesus and be willing to follow to whatever new places that action opens up before me.

I desire to live a life defined by following Christ above all fears. To know that when He calls, there is no risk so great that it outweighs the benefits of running after Him. He is always bigger than the risks. Now to just act!

Vision

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

I just heard this hymn sung and it resonated deep within me. I so want my life to be always and forever caught up in the pursuit of God so that I'll find Him constantly to be my everything.

I feel like the stories that God is writing in my life right now are some of the biggest ones that I've ever walked through. My days are testimony after testimony of the greatness of the Lord and His never-ending compassion towards me, His child, and those around me. I stand amazed, completely overwhelmed, in awe of this One who gave all for me even knowing how often I would fail.

Jesus truly is everything. How I wish everyone understood the truth in that. Everything else is temporary but He will always be. Always. It honestly doesn't get any better than that!

Beaten

My goodness it's been one of those days...and it's only 11:35.

Makes me wonder what it would take to get out of work for the rest of the day...vial of plague? sick dog/roommate/squirrel outside the window? brain oozing out from my ears? bursting into tears when someone asks what time it is?

Hmmm...not sure any of those would really work but if I had a card to play, today I think I'd play it.

It's all the result of too much work, too few people, and me scurrying around like a mouse on crack trying to dot all the i's and cross all the t's.

In a word, icky.

I need a laugh and some stress relief and maybe a big hug.

Guess I'll settle for closing down IM so nobody can find me without coming to my office and maybe turning off the lights and just pretending I'm not here.

Such grace under pressure. Or something...

Playing With Photos #2

Well, it's Friday again and I'm on my one short break during a day of hectic scurrying so I thought I'd spend some time in photo world. It's Fix-It Friday over at I ♥ Faces again and here's my attempt to join in the fun:

Original from Angie Arthur:


My playing around with Picnik:


And another:


I definitely enjoy bringing more color into photos but I mostly just play around with it until it looks somewhat natural to me. I like some of the other editor's choices that tone down the color a bit but I'm not sure how to accomplish that with the tools I'm currently using (and the small amount of time I've got). For now, this works for me but I'm thinking that there wasn't a lot that this photo needed anyways...guess that makes for a good challenge! :)

Happy Trust

Do not let this happy trust in the Lord die away, no matter what happens. Remember your reward! You need to keep on patiently doing God's will if you want him to do for you all that he has promised.
~Hebrews 10:35-36 (TLB)

No
Matter
What
Happens

This means always. This means that the situations and circumstances and joy and pain are not capable of eliminating our trust in the Lord. There is nothing outside of us that can force us to lose hope in our God.

Yet in all things we have a choice. We are able to decide that in our case, God can not handle things. We can choose to believe that He is incapable of meeting our needs or hearing our cries or loving us regardless of our sin. We can decide this but our circumstances can't force us to make that decision.

On the flip side, we can also choose to do as this verse says. To focus on what is to come and the promises that await and the eternal hope that God provides. We can choose to align ourselves with this truth and disregard those voices that tell us that God isn't who He says He is. It's not always easy. Our lives are hard. I would never disagree with that, never.

We're not without hope though. We're not without faith. We're not without trust.

May my every moment and conversation and relationship reflect that I believe this to be true with everything I have. Then my happy trust is based on the one thing that will never let me down and my joy is abundant and sincere.

And that's what living can look like.

It's your choice and mine.

ADD

Here it is, 10:47 on Saturday night and I've been sitting at this computer for about five hours trying to finish writing the curriculum for Bible study that was due on THURSDAY!!!!!

I don't know what my deal is. I love the topic, I love the verses, I love the writing. Yet I just can't focus on it long enough to finish it up. I'm banning myself from Facebook until I finish it and it looks like I'm going to have to ban myself from my blog, Bloglines, the TV, the radio, and the phone as well.

I don't know what is making me so ADD today. My head feels like it's got ping-pong balls in it and they're just bouncing back and forth and never settling. I've tried different locations, music on and off, and I've even called friends to ask them to pray. I don't get it.

Would not be at all surprised if God is actually trying to say something and I'm just not hearing it. Not hearing it because my entire focus is on getting this thing in the can so it's ready to roll for tomorrow. Might be missing the forest for the trees here.

Either way, there's my Saturday night frustration. Just thought I'd share. Hope everyone else is having more success in their accomplishments than I am!

Ok, back to it now. Here's hoping!

Playing With Photos #1

Ah, the Internet. As if I need anything else to occupy my time! Yet I found this site, I ♥ Faces, that has a photo-editing challenge every week. Having never ever edited a photo online, I couldn't resist giving it a shot. So, here's what I've got!

Original Picture from Lolli at Life is Sweet:


My first photo-edit using Picnik (another new introduction):
I'm suspecting that I could enjoy playing with this stuff! I'd love to move into the world of more serious photography but am mostly just hacking it out with my little point-and-shoot. Still, I love learning about such things!

Head to I ♥ Faces for more inspiration and to see what others have done!

Hunger

There are people in the world so hungry,
that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
~Mohandas Ghandi

Today, March 11, 2009, is Global Food Crisis Day.

I suspect that everyone who is reading this blog is doing so without feeling the effects of hunger. You're not worrying about whether your child will make it another day without food and you're not so very hungry that you can focus on nothing else. You've probably awoken today, had something for breakfast, and then began another day of work or whatever keeps you busy.

The life that you and I live is something that is completely foreign to many around the globe. In the time that it takes you to read this blog, 10 children in the world will draw their final breaths because of hunger-related issues. Tonight 1 in every 7 people will go to bed hungry.

This is truth. This is reality. This is life.

This is not your life but it is the life of those that you share this earth with. You might not be able to change the world but you can look for ways to change parts of it. Don't let today pass by without thinking of what difference you could make. Push yourself to connect with those who hunger. Acknowledge that they are husbands and wives and children and grandparents. They are very real people hurting in very real ways.

If you're looking for a way to make a difference, I encourage you to visit Compassion's Global Food Initiative website (or click the link on the right). They are actively engaged in reaching the least and loving them with the love of Christ by tangibly meeting their needs. You can join them in being Christ's hands and feet!

Remember the words of Jesus, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Luke 12:48b) We have been entrusted with much and we must not close our eyes to those who desperately need help!

Wanted: Laughter

It has come to my attention that I am somewhat lacking in the inclusion of humor on this blog. My tag line is faith, laughter, and coffee but somewhere along the way this took a turn into being about faith all the time and rarely about laughter. It's always brought to you by the existence of coffee though so nothing to worry about there! :)

If you know me in real life then I would suspect that you know that I spend a lot of time laughing at a lot of things. I endlessly entertain myself with the craziness of my life and the humorous things that happen throughout my days. I have an equally big passion for the things of faith so it's not unusual at all for most every conversation to include a deep theological discussion bookended and interspersed with random, off-topic, just plain funny stuff.

My blog doesn't do a very good job of representing both sides of me. You might think that I'm serious all the time after reading this and perhaps that's partly because this is a place that I work things out and partly because I so want everyone to know how faith weaves itself through everything.

All this to say, I'm going to try to start finding opportunities to write about some other things. Maybe I'll even break out the camera and share with you some of my favorite shots. Or at the very least tell you something about the little pieces of my life that crack me up on a regular basis.

I guess it's all about balance and I've perhaps gone a little far one direction and want to bring it back towards the middle a bit. However, don't for a second think that I'm not going to be writing about the Lord. There's no getting away from it...He's the one constant in a life that's always changing. I'd be a blogging failure if I didn't share Him with you along the way!

So, changes are coming. We'll see where the next chapter of this book takes us! Thanks, as always, for coming along for the ride!

Gonna Have To Disagree

Who doesn't remember it? That touching moment where little Bambi meets up with the skunk and decides to call him Flower? Come on! So cute, so sweet, so precious! I mean, surely these little striped critters can't really smell too much, right?


Well, pardon me on this one but I'm going to have to disagree.

See, in a random incident (the type that tend to follow me around) I, or perhaps better yet, my car, became the recipient of an entire load of skunk yesterday. For the record, I didn't hit it. The big jeep in front of me did though and somehow it deposited the entire little animal's parting gift all over my car. Nice, huh? Although I'm certain it made for an entertaining show if the guy had just looked in his rearview mirror! :)

It was NOT GOOD.

At that point my car reeks both inside and out and I have no choice but to carry on with my day because if I'm late to class I will likely be killed and used as an experiment in coming weeks by my professor. I run home to feed Brady who is fascinated by the sudden smell-a-palooza coming from the area of the garage which I wouldn't even pull in to! Realize when I'm inside the house that it's possible that I also smell like skunk...or my nose just believes everything smells like skunk since my vehicle basically took a bath in it. Switch clothes quickly hoping that Brady doesn't decide to tear mine to pieces looking for whatever made THAT SMELL!!! Head to class just praying that it's really not me. Uneventful class (thank goodness) but the formaldehyde scent that permeates the classroom at all times might have given me an edge! :)

Head back home hoping to pass a car wash on the way. No such luck. Get home and seriously debate about whether it's disippated enough to park in the garage. Decide to chance it. Roommate and I discover that skunk travels through closed doors. Hmmm. Who has more fun than me? Not too bad though and I figured it will only get better with time! She puts up with a lot...and I promise that I'm not trying to run her off! :)

Wake up this morning and head to work. My friend and I always make a coffee run on Fridays and we discussed who should drive. I said I was willing to but that she should know that my car kind of smelled like skunk. I then rephrased: does smell like skunk. Don't think she believed me until she got in and asked, "Are you sure that it's not in the car?"

So, I've since driven around town with the windows open and gotten a car wash. Here's hoping that the worst is now behind us! All this to say though, Disney may have an incredible empire but they can't force me to ever believe that skunks and flowers smell the same! :) Unless we're talking about that weird corpse flower that smells like something died...then they might have something!

Just thought I'd share. Always an adventure with me!

Ducks

Last night I was talking with my roommate and while I can't remember the entire conversation that led up to it, I made this statement and it just stuck with me.

"I like all of my ducks in a row. God isn't like that. God likes ducks everywhere!"

It's kind of funny and it makes me laugh but it also reminds me of the biggest ongoing struggle in my relationship with the Lord. I like things to make sense. I like them to line up and be in order and be explainable. I find day after day that God just doesn't work like that. He has these plans and purposes and stories that are unpredictable and out there and zany. The harder I pursue my relationship with Him, the more I find that my life hardly resembles the logical path that I would have chosen.

This is hard for me to accept because I fight against the scattering of ducks! I envy those who are able to more quickly adapt to an ever-changing landscape and I think that they are probably more easily able to run with reckless abandon after the Lord. I long to be that way. I hate that I like things in boxes because the pain that I bring on myself by holding on to the boxes makes things really hard. I want to hold loosely to the stories in my life. I want to embrace the ducks wherever they are and stop trying to herd them into a line.

I want to let go of the rules and expectations and boxes and follow Him wherever He leads. I want to approach life in a more carefree manner resting in the knowledge that my path is directed by a God who adores me and has perfect plans and purposes for each thing that I encounter. I'm not saying that there isn't a time for order and planning but this walk through life isn't something that I have the ability to direct and it would be nice if I would start acting as though I know that's true!

I guess to sum it up, I love that He created this personality in me because I know He purposefully did so and He put me here for this time and place. However, I don't want to let it keep me from chasing after Him in complete surrender. I want to make sure that my life isn't becoming all about my plans but instead that it is always about His plans and following the light that He gives me for the moment I'm currently in.

Maybe today I'll take a little step and let some ducks run a little bit amok!

Stubborn

Ok, I think I have a problem.

I just read something about how God sometimes challenges us and it struck a chord with me. Yet, instead of stopping and pursuing it and pulling it out and examining my life and actions, I closed the website and said (out loud), "Nope, no way, I don't want to hear it."

Hmmm...anybody looking for a dose of conviction because I've got some that I'd like to pass on to others.

Since when do I act like a three-year old with her hands over her ears saying, "I can't hear you!"?

Obviously I've got some work to do.

Rats.

Missing It

Today I'm missing it. I'm fighting to see the silver lining in what is momentarily looking like clouds of rain. I'm attending the meetings and singing the songs and taking the notes but I'm missing it. I'm in a funk.

I don't know what's going on in my head. I feel like there must be something that's occupying my thoughts or making me fret but there's no thought that's popping to the surface. Instead I just seem to be struggling to make the connection.

I feel out of sorts with friends and church and work and school and maybe even a bit with God Himself. I'm just not clicking along on all cylinders and that makes the journey seem rough.

I know God is working. I'm seeing amazing proof of an active God in stories all over the place. Prayers that I have begged God to answer are being answered and most of them are being answered in amazingly blessed ways!

I know my life is full of beautiful things and experiences and relationships and I fully believe that I'm right where God has placed me for this season.

I know all this but today I think I'm missing it. My heart just hasn't been in it and I'm focused on the struggles instead of the God who allows them and provides in the midst of them.

I think this is my deal. It so often comes down to perspective in my life. I miss the forest for the trees. Pretty sure that's my deal now.

So I'm going to take the next little bit of time and try to look at the forest. I know God's so very big. I just need to step back and see Him for who He is. He's not limited by my sight, only I am.

Aauugghhh

Darn it all...I miss my blog!
I want to write and I just don't have time.
I'm so disappointed in myself...I was actually writing relatively regularly.

Rats. Time to quit everything so I can blog.

Ok, maybe that's not the best solution.

I'll just figure out how to juggle better!

Hopefully back with more shortly.

:)

Desire

Worship the Lord your God and only the Lord your God. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.
~Luke 4:8

How much I desire to live a life that could be defined by this verse! I was driving home this evening singing the song "From The Inside Out"* by Hillsong at the top of my lungs and as I sang the chorus, I thought of how much I desire to pursue Christ with everything that I have but, at the very same moment, I was overwhelmed by the reality of how often I stop short of that goal.

I am quickly blown off course by busy schedules, random thoughts, and unanswered questions. I find myself trying yet again to put pieces together that God hasn't moved and then wondering how in the world I'm supposed to figure out what to do next. Clue phone: I'm not supposed to be figuring out that stuff. I'm supposed to be focusing on what He's put in front of me today (but that's a discussion for a whole other post).

I long to pursue God and not falter along the road but I feel like I find myself so often sitting on the shoulder picking daisies instead of chasing after Him. Frustrating story and one that I seem to be content to keep writing.

I guess when I step back I have to say that I've made progress on this journey and perhaps I'm just expecting to microwave my spiritual life along with my career life and relational life and every other aspect of life. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself and I need to not forget how far the Lord has already brought me. It's possible.

However, I also think that it's possible that I need to keep recognizing when I fall and stop running as I know I should. Those times when I entertain thoughts of slowing down and giving up and settling for the immediately available. See, if I ever have hopes of living the life I claim to want, then I can't stop disciplining myself towards that goal.

I may never reach it (in fact, I really don't expect to in this life) but I continuously want to be challenged by verses that remind me of where I want to run so that I can keep modifying my steps to follow that path. So, when I wake up tomorrow, I want to remember this verse and set my heart and mind wholly on God so that I might come even closer to saying that I worship and serve only Him single-heartedly!

*This is one seriously awesome song. If you haven't heard it (or if you just need to be encouraged), do yourself a favor and check this out: