Understanding

"[M]uch of the Christian life is spent trusting Jesus now and understanding him later."
-Jon Bloom

This sentence may sum up so much of the tension I feel as I try to walk in step with the Lord. It's not that I don't want to follow, it's not that I don't love Him. It's just that I long for understanding, oftentimes more than I long to trust.

From the time I was little, my desire for instant gratification has led me in frustrating paths of dissatisfaction and disillusionment. It's been one of those things that I've had to push up against and challenge as I've grown older and I'm no longer as impetuous when making a large purchase or so hasty to complete a task. Yet I still fight against the requirement to trust Him and walk with Him now while knowing that understanding is not in reach, or at least not guaranteed to be close by.

So I grow bit by bit in this walk, learning that it's not really His understanding I truly need, but rather, it's just Him. Or perhaps, more eloquently stated, "Our understanding his purposes in a particular providence tends to be not as important to God as our trust in his character." (Jon Bloom)

*All quotes from this article.