Heavy

Today's moments seem measured in sorrows. Quite frankly this is one of those days where distressing news seems to just keep coming into my world every time I plug in to the goings on beyond my office.

Today I had plans to write about something that might even have brought hope to those whose struggles I'm seeing but the truth is that I just don't feel like polishing my words and figuring out how the pieces fit together. What I do feel is sadness. Sadness for those who are hurting and trying to make sense of a world that all too often leaves us with broken hearts.

My soul hurts for those who are hurting in these moments. I long for peace and comfort and understanding and provision on their behalf.

It draws me to cry out, "Come now, Lord Jesus!" This world hurts and today I'm overwhelmed by the pains. Today I long even more for those moments when every tear will be wiped away and God makes all things new.

I can't explain the pain or bring understanding to the sorrow. What I can do is say that there is hope beyond today because God never promises without delivering.

To those who are hurting, whether I know you or not, please be comforted by the love of God and the prayers of this girl on your behalf.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
~Revelation 21:3-7

Still

Be still, and know that I am God!
~Psalm 46:10A

Last night I started on a journey that could change my life completely. I sat in a classroom full of people of all ages and realized that if I actually move forward with this then it could radically modify my direction in life. Then I got scared. As the professor spent three hours telling us how difficult this class would be and how much time it would take I found myself fearing that I wasn't in the right place. Took a deep breath and decided to just give it a shot.

Came to my job today and sat in a meeting where all of my responsibilities were listed out and realized that it just sounds like there aren't enough people to do the work that needs to happen. Tossed around scenarios and listened to teammates discuss and felt the band of panic tighten around my chest. Left the meeting, drank some coffee, and committed to doing the best that I could.

Thought through all of the responsibilities I have in my life this very moment. Realized that some dreams may not be possible. Started to prioritize.

Deep breaths. No panic. God wins in every scenario.

Being still. It seems out of sync with the world that's rushing around me. Yet it's the only thing that makes the swirling mess fall into order.

I will spend my time in stillness with the Lord because that's the only thing that truly matters. If all else falls away and I'm left with nothing but empty hands, God remains.

My life is overwhelming at this moment. I could freak out really easily. I'm not going to though.

I'm going to be still.

I'm going to know that God is God.

That's where you'll find me: sitting still in the midst of the chaos.

Quiet.

Movement

I have so very many thoughts in my head right now that I can't tie them down and write about just one of them so I'm going to paint with a very wide brush for the moment simply so I'm not leaving people hanging with my last post! Wow, that was a really long sentence! :)

Here's the deal. Within a couple of days of my last post I really turned into the Lord and sought His wisdom instead of foolishly relying on my own. Funny thing about moments like those is that He always answers me. So I've move from just being present in my life to being overly, exuberantly, excited about what God is going to do next. Oh, and a little scared.

I have absolutely no clue what next looks like. None at all. I have some fear that God may ask me to make some really hard choices in the next months but as of today I have no clue of whether that will be true or not.

What I do know is that God is faithful. He loves me extravagantly and He made me just as He desired for this time and this place and these experiences. Nothing occurs that's outside of His knowledge and He never stops working on making me look just a little more like Him no matter what it takes to get me there.

The journey continues. I couldn't be more thrilled than to be right where I am right now. We shall see what tomorrow holds. I'm good with today!

Just thought you might want to know! :)

Shouting

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
~ 1 Kings 19:11-12

This world is running on a short supply of hope these days and a big supply of pessimism. It's loud and scary and intimidating and uncertain. It's full of hurts and struggles and pain and fear. I hear the conversations, I see the people's faces, I read the stories, I feel the stress.

It's so easy to listen to the shouting. To allow the situations of life and the state of the world to twist your stomach into a knot and suck the peace out of your day. The shouting demands attention.

But so did the wind and the earthquake and the fire.

Elijah was hurting. He was running for his life, believing that the stand he had taken for God was worthless and would result only in him being hunted down and killed. Then God told him that He would pass by.

Elijah needed the Lord. He wanted to hear from Him. He desired reassurance and hope in a sad and scary situation. Sound like anyone you know today?

Then there was the wind, then the earthquake, then the fire. Big, frightening, attention-capturing events. I'm sure Elijah assumed these must be God. They weren't though.

Then at the end, as he stood on the mountain where he had just observed so much power but still hadn't seen the Lord, there came the voice.

The voice of God.

Small, quiet, unassuming.

Whispering hope, breathing life, restoring faith, releasing fear, bringing peace.

In our world of chaos, He still speaks the same things to us.

Listen for the whisper.

Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I have to believe that God is at times pleased with the weaknesses in me that frustrate me to no end. Those things that just make me cry as I see them in myself and realize how little of God I often represent. The things that bring me face to face with the reality of who I really am. Now I'm not saying that God necessarily wants me to sin and fail and struggle but I am thinking that He probably loves the weakness because the weakness is what makes me really recognize just how much I need Him.

I am so tough in so many ways and I've spent a lifetime attempting to prove that I can do everything just as well as the next person. In these days though, I'm all out of toughness. I'm nothing if not completely spent and utterly weak, lying helplessly as the feet of my savior and praying that He will rescue me. This is not where I'm comfortable. It's not where I like to be. If I had any ability left I would stand up and walk away from this place because it is hard here at the very end of myself.

But I think God smiles when He looks down on me. He smiles because I've come to Him and not done it on my own. He smiles because sometimes it's only when I reach these moments, these absolute lows, that I step out of the way and allow Him to be truly great in my life. He smiles because He loves me so much and wants me to be changed into what He has for me instead of leaving me hanging on to what I would have for myself.

When I reach the end of my efforts and ability, when I'm bowed low by sin and sorrow and shame, that's when I can only reach up and plead with the God of the universe to pick me up and help me to move and that's when He steps in. That's when miracles can happen. This is why that for every step I take, He gets all the glory. This life is not me - it's Him. And even though I do not love the weakness, I love the God who allows it. So I wait, weary and worn and weak, for the God who placed the stars in the sky and who still loves me, to lift me up in His perfect timing and allow me to glorify Him yet again.

Real Strength

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
~ Colossians 1:9-12 (The Message)

Such good, sweet, stuff here! How often do I come to the very end of my ability only to grit my teeth, suck it up, and attempt to push my way through until the end? Yet this is not what we're called to or promised by the Lord! We're encouraged to find His strength; to seek it out and take it from Him when He offers it and, in doing so, to succeed in a power that goes far beyond our own and actually enables us to complete our tasks with joy and with reserves remaining. No more crashing through the finish line at the end of a task with an empty tank and a bad attitude - God provides us with a strength far beyond that - a strength that actually allows us to enjoy the journey along the way.

If there is anything that I have learned on the path though my life it's that I can be so stubborn in seeking out my own way and doing everything to make sure that it comes to pass. The lesson that God is overwhelmingly teaching me in these days is that it's not about my ability or strength or will, it's about His. I'm learning that there are many things that I just can't do on my own (or can't do well on my own) and in these moments I'm hoping that the refinement that is happening is truly making me more dependent on Him in both the good times and the bad times as I learn that it's in Him that I find strength and, at the same time, rest.

I believe that I'm beginning to learn that at the end of myself is truly where life gets good. Not perfect, mind you, but good. There is a richness that I'm finding in relying on the Lord that has been unparalleled in my life thus far. Arrived? No, not yet by any means. In progress? Most definitely!

Planned Steps

A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.
~ Proverbs 16:9

Although we cannot change the direction of the wind, we can adjust our sails.
~ Unknown

Life is funny. We humans think that we can so discern God's plans and how He will choose to work in our lives and in the lives of others. The thing is that God is still a God who loves to surprise us - so often doing things that keep us on our toes and make us pull up short and say, "Now just what the heck was that?" I know that God's surprises are not always fun - I think we all know that. However, their existence is so critical to our faith! If we always knew how God would act and where He would send us and what He would ask of us then how little dependence we would ever have on Him! The fact that He does surprise us should not be something that frustrates us or causes us to fear - instead it should be something that we look at with eyes wide open and arms outstretched, treasuring the moments of surprise that allow us to leap off the side of the boat into the arms of God! His surprises will keep coming but it's always our decision whether we will choose to embrace the changes in direction with a growing faith in the sovereignty of God or whether we'll stay on the shore of certainty and allow our faith to grow weak.

Now just so I don't come across as sounding callous or anything, please know that I deeply understand that some of the things God allows in our lives cause immense pain and sorrow and struggle and that it's not easy to just run forward and embrace the situation - believe me, I know. In those moments, when you're battling things that are so much larger than you believe that you can ever handle, please just know that at those times God holds on to you and longs to comfort you even as He allows you to face the difficulties. Know too, that my heart breaks for the pain that those around me experience and that if it were ever in my ability, I would do anything that I could to remove that pain from you. This world, mired in sin and shortcomings, never delivers all that we hope for but there is always the truth of a great God who cares about you intimately and loves you intently and cries with you as you weep. Allow Him to hold you until such time as you can walk forward knowing that His hand supports you and that your faith is founded on the eternal goodness of a great God.

Deserts

God - you're my God! I can't get enough of you! I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last!
~ Psalm 63:1-3 (The Message)

The truth is that every life contains dry and weary deserts - places where we don't want to find ourselves but where God sometimes puts us for His own reasons and purposes. The reality though is that when we go into those deserts, we always have a choice; a choice to stop, set up camp, and just live there or to keep moving, putting one foot in front of the other and trusting God to lead us through. We can allow those moments to develop in us an increased passion for the Lord and an amazing trust in His sovereignty and purpose for our lives or we can choose to become angry and bitter at the circumstances He allows us to be in. This isn't an easy choice and I think it's often one you have to continually make over and over again through the desert.

However, I truly believe that when we allow the tough things of life to push us towards the Lord there is nothing better than that journey. It's the one thing that allows me to walk the paths in front of me and even find joy along the way. God is always what everything is all about - it's not about me, or my happiness, or my desires. It's all about God and the more I hang on to that, the more I realize that He is ever so much more than anything else that I could ever have or hope for. Now that's what I call real living!

Trust Absolutely

So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be.
~ Psalm 62:8 (The Message)

I love what this verse says and the way that it says it. This is not an optional statement, it's a requirement - to throw ourselves out there upon the hands of the Lord and completely surrender to Him. The great thing though is that God does not just ask us to jump off the side of a cliff with no net. Instead, He promises us that He is a safe place so that no matter how insane the path looks or how far out on a limb you may get you can know that if you're where the Lord asks you to be then you're held safely in His arms and there is no need to worry or fear.

This is undoubtedly a lesson that's easier said than done but the truth is that sometimes God needs us to take part in a little bit of cliff jumping so that He may truly be glorified through our lives. So, let us listen to Him and when He brings us to the edge of a cliff that we'd much rather back away from, let us be bold in our trust and step off of it with arms outstretched, knowing that He is the one who sustains us and He is the only reliable safe place to be!

Here's what a little card that sits on my desk says:
Trust - in HIS timing
Rely - on HIS promises
Wait - for HIS answers
Believe - in HIS miracles
Rejoice - in HIS goodness
Relax - in HIS presence

I just thought it went along with this verse and wanted to share it with you - may you be encouraged by what God is doing in your life even if you can't see it right now!

What I Live For

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy: Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out. God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot. God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see— how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.
~ Psalm 34:1-8 (The Message)

The Lord has been faithful to me and I want my life to be a constant reflection of His goodness despite the circumstances that may cause pain or sorrow. I can stand and bless the Lord, worship Him, sing His praises, trust Him completely, and give Him everything that I have because through it all, He has been faithful to me.

His love knows no bounds, His promises never fail, His salvation is eternal, His plans are perfect.

I will bless the Lord every chance I get too!

Howdy August!

These [trials] have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
~ 1 Peter 1:7

August - fondly known by me as one month closer to fall! :)

This year I am not sad to welcome this month - it may be a thousand degrees outside but this year I'm somewhat glad to say goodbye to July and hello to August!

I know God's not done refining me by any stretch of the imagination but July was not a fun month of being on His anvil. Perhaps in the weeks to come God will show me the results of some of the work He's been doing in my life and the lives of others! If not though, I can still rejoice that through everything my faith is being proved genuine and will bring glory to God when all is said and done (and hopefully along the way too)!

Hope

I hang on to a hope founded in the Lord with everything I have. Nothing else will ever provide the security which this hope does. It is the thing that allows me to look at the circumstances of my life and find peace, joy, and even happiness no matter what I'm going through. I may not always have the emotion but I do have the security of being held in this hope. Grab onto this hope and trust it - it is where faith lives!

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
- Romans 8:24-25

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
- Hebrews 10:23

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
- Psalm 25:4-5

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
- Psalm 31:24

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
- Psalm 33:20

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
- Psalm 62:5-6

Not Like Me

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
- Isaiah 55:9

God does not act as I would choose to have Him to act. He does not think as I would have Him think. He does not answer when I would have Him shout.

All I can say about that is thank goodness it is true! If God were to respond in ways that I anticipated and do what I would do then how small He would be...and how hard it would be for me to be knocked off my feet and surprised by Him! In the long run I'm happy to see that He loves me enough to not take my suggestions for things! For now I attempt to rest knowing that I'll never be able to see what God has planned but believing that this is part of how His love for me is made known.

I want to experience the unknown, spontaneous, surprising things that God has for me - to trust Him and stop trying to figure it out! Yet again, steps in a journey, not an overnight change for me!

Held

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
- Psalm 139:5

Things I am reminded of:
1. I have a past and God was there.
2. I have a future and God is there.
3. I have a present and God holds me right now.

It is good to be assured that God always has been and always will be involved in my moments but tonight, I really just need to know the third item is true.

Ever Nearer

Today this hymn just speaks to me. Storms are always going to come but if at the end of them I look more like Him then that's truly the only thing that I can hope for. It's not about answers or understanding, it's about refining and, unfortunately, sometimes that takes fire. So while there is pain now, I believe towards then.

"Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer"
Music by Keith Getty; Words by Margaret Becker

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Destination Defined

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

- Romans 12:9-21

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of where I'm headed and of how much more refining God has to do in me to make me more like Him. These verses give me joy for what He's done already and hope for what He is still able to do. In the long run I desire to live each moment remembering that it's really not about me, it's always about Him and being able to bring Him glory through everything that He leads me through. Good thing it's a journey - it takes time to be molded in this manner!

Tired

The moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves...and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
- Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

It seems like a long long journey from where I've been to where I am and I know that the destination is not reached yet. I am ever more convinced that God walks beside me, giving me strength and encouragement on the road, and I'm even more convinced that I desperately need it. Here I find myself, tired and weary, just trying to walk where He leads and so needing Him to just stay with me in the moment. The reassurance is that I know that He will and so I can rest there and find refuge. Also, in the long run I can be certain that even these moments will be part of something that God has planned and that He calls good.

"God walks with us... He scoops us up in His arms or simply sits with us in silent strength until we cannot avoid the awesome recognition that yes, even now, He is here."
- Gloria Gaither

All Things New

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
- Revelation 21:5

You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
- Stephen Curtis Chapman

The promise is that one day everything that is and everything that has been will be made new. The reality is that every day we see pieces of this as God transforms lives, offers forgiveness, enables us to love, and brings the sun up again! While we wait for the day when every last thing will be made new I choose to see and worship Him for how He over and over again makes things around and within me new! It may not look as I would choose but it is in His mercy that He uses it all to transform and renew me too!

Daily

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

- Lamentations 3:22-26

First I have to say that these are some truly sweet verses and if you just blew right past them, please go back and dwell there for a minute - my thoughts on them are nothing compared to the truth found above.

I wouldn't claim to be all that great at sitting and waiting quietly - I tend to try to work through things in my head so that I can move forward in a different direction, making adjustments based on what I've come through. In these days though, I am finding myself stuck, just going through the motions of facing every new day, not really moving a whole lot in any one direction. I don't like it much - I'd rather be able to find momentum and move - but I sense that perhaps this is just where God wants me for now. Not able to figure out the next path, not able to understand the prior steps, just stuck in the waiting on Him. Yet through the wait I am recognizing that each day reflects His faithfulness and His provision and that truthfully, it is good (although not easy) to wait quietly until He moves me on.

Perspective

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
-Psalm 30:4-5

In the light of eternity even the most painful trials truly are only momentary. Eventually, morning comes.