Quiet

I have nothing pressing to say, no profound wisdom to offer, no crisis to dissect or celebration to herald. I suspect that's why so many days pass without me finding words to write on these 'pages'. It's a funny thing, when life becomes quiet, the need to share becomes less important.

It's not that things aren't good. In fact, I would venture to say that these have been some of the most wonderful days I've ever walked through. So maybe it'd be just the opposite. In the good, there's not always much that's exciting and that makes me less prone to share!

And now, while I didn't plan to have anything deep to share, I see a correlation that I'll just point out. Often, this same mindset drives my relationship with the Lord. I run to Him when things get rough and I don't know which way to turn. I'll press in, finding security and peace and joy through that relationship. Then, eventually, the pressure eases and I take some steps on my own, not holding on quite so tightly as I did before.

I will never understand this mindset in me. I will never get how I can believe for a moment that I can walk through my life without hanging onto the Lord. Yet I do it time and again and then something happens and I run back to Him.

If this cycle does not reflect only my great unfaithfulness and God's great faithfulness then I've missed the mark completely. That He continues to welcome me back, hold me close, and restore me is utterly amazing. In my pride and self-sufficiency, I deserve no grace. Yet at every turn, I am shown grace.

I hope that I never cease to be amazed.

Needed: One Brain

I think that my brain has officially abandoned my body. I have no idea where I lost it but it seems to be gone. Apparently when I finished class my brain decided that it was done too and left on vacation without taking the rest of me with it.

Within the last 24 hours I have forgotten the names of two people I know well, numerous times forgotten a word that should have just come to mind, and generally been unable to remain focused.

Ah well, here's to summer vacation! If you see my brain though, let it know that we go back to school in a week!

:)

Summertime

Somehow another month is starting to draw to a close and I'm simply standing amazed that I've marked off yet another set of days! This month has had challenges as I've navigated through it on crutches in my super-stylish boot but overall things are great!

I've finished my semester at school and have been thoroughly enjoying the break in my schedule to do a whole lot of nothing and also to spend time with people I love! It's been such a blessing to have my calendar wide open to whatever opportunities present themselves!

I'm not looking forward to returning to the classroom next fall but for the first time in many years, summer has real meaning! :) I did manage to pull off an A in my extremely challenging class though so I'm thinking that all the hours spent at my dining room table studying were worth it! I've never worked so hard for a grade in my life. It's all steps in this journey for me but I'm so very excited about what God has in store for the next moments and days! I believe that there is so much good and I simply want to cherish every moment that He gives!

Living out loud, arms open to possibilities, singing at the top of my lungs, twirling under the stars. That's how I'm feeling these days! Hope your moments are just as joyous!

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
~Psalm 16:11

Detours

There is some funny irony in the fact that I wrote about taking risks on Friday and later that day I decided to do something I normally might not and ended up in the emergency room. No major problems but I'm not going to be running marathons anytime in the near future! :)

The thing is though, even though the result wasn't what I would have chosen, I still kind of think that the risk I took was probably worth it. It was a bit of a freak accident but I was having fun up until it happened and I really do believe that God will use even my current situation for good. I know that it is pushing me out of my chosen comfort zone and forcing me to evaluate, yet again, what I truly find my identity in. Funny how lessons I think I've learned often show up in different forums as I move through life! It's also showing me how truly blessed I am with the relationships I have in my world and how amazing it is to yet again see the body of Christ working together!

I'm not going to say that it's been all roses (and my deepest apologies to anyone who has had to deal with me being grumpy) but I do know that there are lessons to be learned even in the challenges. Sometimes it's good for me to be pushed down a bit so that I can truly put into practice those things that I tend to talk about a lot. This journey isn't coming to a quick end I'm afraid but I hope that through it all I can find ways to minister to others while allowing them to minister to me. Sometimes it's hard to not want to throw myself a pity party but I'm really going to try to avoid it (and feel free to call me on it if you see me going down that road). I'm finding silver linings and working through what is really only a very small detour in a path that I don't even see clearly most of the time!

Oh yeah, and if anyone wonders, it's not as if this is a surprise to God so I'm quite certain He'll use it for His purposes if I don't become a big sourpuss! God's just cool like that.

So, I still say that you should take risks. I might recommend you don't fall off a wall though! :)

Risk

I saw this video last night and it really struck a chord with me. The truth, and something I've mentioned before, is that I can so easily let myself be paralyzed by fear instead of boldly stepping out into new situations. It's something that I know I need to always allow God to work in and it's also a place where I feel like I've made progress through the years. Yet I still find myself shying away from situations that make me feel as though I can't succeed or that require great risks. I recognize that it's really silly for me to fear when I'm backed up by the God of the universe but I still find myself doing it.

All that said, this video reminds me of why I always need to be pursuing risks when God opens doors. Life is never about just being safe. There's nothing that I can do to add to or take away from the number of days that He has ordained for me. Regardless of how scared I might be to jump, I can do so knowing that God goes before me and when my primary pursuit is Him then I'm freed to live with arms truly wide open. I want Him to look at my life and be proud of the way I grasped things He placed before me. I want to learn to both succeed and fail boldly.

Risks are sometimes meant to be taken. That's where you'll often find God holding you!

Generosity

The world of the generous gets larger and larger...The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.
~Proverbs 11:24-25

It's so easy to hang on to our treasures, believing that they'll do us better by remaining in our possession. God calls us to such a different mindset though. He challenges us to hold all with open hands, giving to those in need and seeking always to offer to others what we might want to keep for ourselves. This isn't an easy task sometimes, regardless of what is actually being given. Yet in the most excellent manner of God, He abundantly blesses when we choose to let go.

Whether it's time or money or possessions or space or your heart, know that in the holding loosely and giving to others you will be blessed in ways far beyond what you can imagine. I've seen it happen in my life and in the lives of many others. It's just how our God works! Backwards from the world but ever so beautiful to those who experience Him!

Countdown

This semester is almost over!

I can hardly wait. I want freedom from class, freedom from reading, freedom from my computer, freedom from hours of sitting at my table and studying. I want to play and goof around and do those things that I've had to neglect as I've studied like crazy.

It's taking everything in me to stay focused until the end. I am just so ready to finish!

I must be absolutely crazy to have signed up for more classes.

Ah well, those don't happen until later. In the meantime, counting down to freedom at least for the moment!