Up & Running

Well, I think I've got things mostly back to normal on this lovely piece of Internet real estate!

Perhaps I'll attempt something new again this evening...I'm a bit scared now though! :)

Doesn't Play Well With Technology

I decided to try and get fancy with my blog...and ended up kind of killing it. Oops.

Hopefully I'll get it back to its old status shortly...then maybe I'll more carefully try to be fancy!

Hope

I hang on to a hope founded in the Lord with everything I have. Nothing else will ever provide the security which this hope does. It is the thing that allows me to look at the circumstances of my life and find peace, joy, and even happiness no matter what I'm going through. I may not always have the emotion but I do have the security of being held in this hope. Grab onto this hope and trust it - it is where faith lives!

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
- Romans 8:24-25

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
- Hebrews 10:23

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
- Psalm 25:4-5

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
- Psalm 31:24

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
- Psalm 33:20

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
- Psalm 62:5-6

Not Like Me

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
- Isaiah 55:9

God does not act as I would choose to have Him to act. He does not think as I would have Him think. He does not answer when I would have Him shout.

All I can say about that is thank goodness it is true! If God were to respond in ways that I anticipated and do what I would do then how small He would be...and how hard it would be for me to be knocked off my feet and surprised by Him! In the long run I'm happy to see that He loves me enough to not take my suggestions for things! For now I attempt to rest knowing that I'll never be able to see what God has planned but believing that this is part of how His love for me is made known.

I want to experience the unknown, spontaneous, surprising things that God has for me - to trust Him and stop trying to figure it out! Yet again, steps in a journey, not an overnight change for me!

Held

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
- Psalm 139:5

Things I am reminded of:
1. I have a past and God was there.
2. I have a future and God is there.
3. I have a present and God holds me right now.

It is good to be assured that God always has been and always will be involved in my moments but tonight, I really just need to know the third item is true.

Ever Nearer

Today this hymn just speaks to me. Storms are always going to come but if at the end of them I look more like Him then that's truly the only thing that I can hope for. It's not about answers or understanding, it's about refining and, unfortunately, sometimes that takes fire. So while there is pain now, I believe towards then.

"Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer"
Music by Keith Getty; Words by Margaret Becker

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Destination Defined

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

- Romans 12:9-21

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of where I'm headed and of how much more refining God has to do in me to make me more like Him. These verses give me joy for what He's done already and hope for what He is still able to do. In the long run I desire to live each moment remembering that it's really not about me, it's always about Him and being able to bring Him glory through everything that He leads me through. Good thing it's a journey - it takes time to be molded in this manner!

Tired

The moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves...and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
- Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

It seems like a long long journey from where I've been to where I am and I know that the destination is not reached yet. I am ever more convinced that God walks beside me, giving me strength and encouragement on the road, and I'm even more convinced that I desperately need it. Here I find myself, tired and weary, just trying to walk where He leads and so needing Him to just stay with me in the moment. The reassurance is that I know that He will and so I can rest there and find refuge. Also, in the long run I can be certain that even these moments will be part of something that God has planned and that He calls good.

"God walks with us... He scoops us up in His arms or simply sits with us in silent strength until we cannot avoid the awesome recognition that yes, even now, He is here."
- Gloria Gaither

All Things New

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
- Revelation 21:5

You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
- Stephen Curtis Chapman

The promise is that one day everything that is and everything that has been will be made new. The reality is that every day we see pieces of this as God transforms lives, offers forgiveness, enables us to love, and brings the sun up again! While we wait for the day when every last thing will be made new I choose to see and worship Him for how He over and over again makes things around and within me new! It may not look as I would choose but it is in His mercy that He uses it all to transform and renew me too!

Daily

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

- Lamentations 3:22-26

First I have to say that these are some truly sweet verses and if you just blew right past them, please go back and dwell there for a minute - my thoughts on them are nothing compared to the truth found above.

I wouldn't claim to be all that great at sitting and waiting quietly - I tend to try to work through things in my head so that I can move forward in a different direction, making adjustments based on what I've come through. In these days though, I am finding myself stuck, just going through the motions of facing every new day, not really moving a whole lot in any one direction. I don't like it much - I'd rather be able to find momentum and move - but I sense that perhaps this is just where God wants me for now. Not able to figure out the next path, not able to understand the prior steps, just stuck in the waiting on Him. Yet through the wait I am recognizing that each day reflects His faithfulness and His provision and that truthfully, it is good (although not easy) to wait quietly until He moves me on.

Perspective

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
-Psalm 30:4-5

In the light of eternity even the most painful trials truly are only momentary. Eventually, morning comes.

Security

1The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?
5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

-Psalm 27: 1, 5, 13-14

Honestly I don't think that there's anything that I can add to this today. I invite you to rest here and be renewed.

Challenge

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
- Proverbs 3:5-6

Today I did not want to write this verse or think about the reality that's found here but this is where God is working on me at this moment. The truth is that right now I want my own understanding...or at least to feel like I have some. I do trust the Lord but I struggle with my own feelings. This is where God calls to me from.

God does not call me to understand or develop the best strategy for a situation. He doesn't promise that I'll know the path or its end goal or that I'll even realize that I'm on the right one. What He does do is tell me to trust Him completely and to give Him glory for the road I'm on and to know that straightness to Him might look different than I think it should. The truth is that my understanding is always always going to be limited by the finiteness of my thinking. I am never going to be able to understand the different pieces that God creates and uses and that's why I can't spend forever trying to lean on my own thoughts.

Even when it's exceptionally hard, I long to trust only Him and not be driven by my thoughts and feelings no matter how strong they might be. I want to be able to say that this verse defines my actions and thoughts no matter how strange they might look to those who are watching. I'm not there but maybe each day brings me a little closer.

Reboot

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
- Lamentations 3:22-23

When I lay down at the end of a long day, worn out by the battles that I've fought, I find comfort in knowing that with sleep comes a newness of God's mercies and that on the other side of night, I will be able to step out again to fight more battles with the Lord by my side. I am assured that although I do not have the option of forgetting what has come before and starting completely fresh, God does every day. So, as the present moves along turning the future into the past and I am left with the results of moments in time, I hold on to the fact that at the opening of each day, I can arise knowing that God is fully capable of sustaining me and His compassion towards me is renewed, giving me strength.

Three Remain

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
- Hebrews 11:1

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
- Psalm 62:5-6

We love because he first loved us.
- 1 John 4:19

There is such power found here - such peace in His Word, such comfort in His presence. Regardless of the circumstances, I still have faith, I still have hope, and I still have love. Now that is reason enough to find joy in this day!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:13

Purpose

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

Today it is dark and I struggle to find hope in the promises. However, in this valley, God's plans are not thwarted and His character does not change and because of that I can believe through the pain that there is a future and a hope and that no matter how off-base things appear right now, God is still working. To this I cling.

Reality

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?" "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
- Romans 11:33-36

He Is...
And sometimes that is all we get and always, in the end, it is enough.

Promises

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

- Isaiah 61:1-3

God's promises are the only thing I'm hoping in right now. In this moment I have to believe that He truly can give beauty for ashes, gladness for mourning, and praise instead of despair. I struggle to find joy today but I also find that my only peace in these days is found in turning towards Him and hanging on with everything that I have and trusting that He is hanging on to me when I can't even find the strength to hold on at all.

Rough

All that I can say right now is this:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
- Romans 8:28

To this I cling, not out of understanding the journey that I'm on but because my hope has to be found in this truth as it's the only solid thing that I have.

Delay

I do have a lot of thoughts to share - some of which I've started to write and others which are only titles and no text.

However, I must warn that there is probably going to be a delay in those thoughts reaching your eyes because I'm walking an extremely rough path at this moment and I don't know that I'll be able to cohesively share what I want to.

If you think of me, please just pray for me.

Thank you for reading and mostly, thank you for praying.

Writer's Block...Removed!

Finally, finally, finally I have something that I want to talk about!

Just last night I was lamenting yet again that I had not had anything to write about lately (and by lately I mean for months and months and months). I've started things but not finished them or decided that they were too nonsensical to make available for public consumption! I've written novels in my journal but nothing on this site!

So I prayed...that God would give me a direction and something to write about. Then I went to bed with no answers.

However, in God's goodness, this morning as I was getting ready I started writing a post in my head...which is how things usually go. Then it grew and grew and grew and now I'm pretty sure it's going to become a series here!

So, I'd like to invite you to join me on this journey as I share some of what God's been showing me over the last couple of months and I hope that in the long run, the wait was worth it!

First post to follow shortly (I mean, I do have a job, people)! :)