Ducks

Last night I was talking with my roommate and while I can't remember the entire conversation that led up to it, I made this statement and it just stuck with me.

"I like all of my ducks in a row. God isn't like that. God likes ducks everywhere!"

It's kind of funny and it makes me laugh but it also reminds me of the biggest ongoing struggle in my relationship with the Lord. I like things to make sense. I like them to line up and be in order and be explainable. I find day after day that God just doesn't work like that. He has these plans and purposes and stories that are unpredictable and out there and zany. The harder I pursue my relationship with Him, the more I find that my life hardly resembles the logical path that I would have chosen.

This is hard for me to accept because I fight against the scattering of ducks! I envy those who are able to more quickly adapt to an ever-changing landscape and I think that they are probably more easily able to run with reckless abandon after the Lord. I long to be that way. I hate that I like things in boxes because the pain that I bring on myself by holding on to the boxes makes things really hard. I want to hold loosely to the stories in my life. I want to embrace the ducks wherever they are and stop trying to herd them into a line.

I want to let go of the rules and expectations and boxes and follow Him wherever He leads. I want to approach life in a more carefree manner resting in the knowledge that my path is directed by a God who adores me and has perfect plans and purposes for each thing that I encounter. I'm not saying that there isn't a time for order and planning but this walk through life isn't something that I have the ability to direct and it would be nice if I would start acting as though I know that's true!

I guess to sum it up, I love that He created this personality in me because I know He purposefully did so and He put me here for this time and place. However, I don't want to let it keep me from chasing after Him in complete surrender. I want to make sure that my life isn't becoming all about my plans but instead that it is always about His plans and following the light that He gives me for the moment I'm currently in.

Maybe today I'll take a little step and let some ducks run a little bit amok!