Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I have to believe that God is at times pleased with the weaknesses in me that frustrate me to no end. Those things that just make me cry as I see them in myself and realize how little of God I often represent. The things that bring me face to face with the reality of who I really am. Now I'm not saying that God necessarily wants me to sin and fail and struggle but I am thinking that He probably loves the weakness because the weakness is what makes me really recognize just how much I need Him.

I am so tough in so many ways and I've spent a lifetime attempting to prove that I can do everything just as well as the next person. In these days though, I'm all out of toughness. I'm nothing if not completely spent and utterly weak, lying helplessly as the feet of my savior and praying that He will rescue me. This is not where I'm comfortable. It's not where I like to be. If I had any ability left I would stand up and walk away from this place because it is hard here at the very end of myself.

But I think God smiles when He looks down on me. He smiles because I've come to Him and not done it on my own. He smiles because sometimes it's only when I reach these moments, these absolute lows, that I step out of the way and allow Him to be truly great in my life. He smiles because He loves me so much and wants me to be changed into what He has for me instead of leaving me hanging on to what I would have for myself.

When I reach the end of my efforts and ability, when I'm bowed low by sin and sorrow and shame, that's when I can only reach up and plead with the God of the universe to pick me up and help me to move and that's when He steps in. That's when miracles can happen. This is why that for every step I take, He gets all the glory. This life is not me - it's Him. And even though I do not love the weakness, I love the God who allows it. So I wait, weary and worn and weak, for the God who placed the stars in the sky and who still loves me, to lift me up in His perfect timing and allow me to glorify Him yet again.