Don't Want To Go

I love music - it's one of my biggest passions in life and the thing that I love the most is the lyrics that exist in songs. It is almost every day that I have some tune in my head that I'm just singing over and over because I've either heard it or because something about the lyrics just resonates with where I am at that moment. God may not have granted me a beautiful singing voice but He definitely gave me a love for words put to notes!

Today I woke up singing the words to Avalon's song "I Don't Want To Go" which has the following chorus:

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie
And I don't want to walk that road
Be a million miles from home
'Cause my heart needs to be where You are
So I don't want to go

I didn't think that I'd heard the song recently but the words really met me where I find myself these days. I think that I'm in those moments of life where I'm just standing back and waiting to see where the next path is and when God is going to send me in another direction. In my mind I'm amassing lots of options and cataloging opportunities but I'm hesitant to move without knowing where God is actually pointing. The hazard that I run into at these times is that my waiting can become paralysis - I end up just standing by hoping that God will send some lightening my direction and I'll know exactly where to go next.

The thing that I'm learning more and more though is that God doesn't always lay out the safe, painless journey for us - lit by a thousand lanterns from above and very clearly defining where we're supposed to walk. Now, sometimes He does and I eagerly anticipate those moments of extreme clarity but I also know that sometimes the journey looks a bit more like venturing slowly down a dark hallway with one hand in front of me and feet shuffling along the floor as I have just enough light to make out that there is a path there for me to walk on! I think the reason I woke up with this song on my heart is because I truly don't want to go somewhere that He's not calling me to go - I don't want to chase a false hope or run ahead of where He's called me and find myself miles away from where I'm supposed to be. However, I also know that I sometimes need to just have faith that He's leading and that the things He's putting on my heart are the things that I'm supposed to walk after - not run headlong into but walk forward towards. I think in these moments there is a call for caution and patience and prayer and truly waiting on the Lord but there's also the challenge to step out because God can lead me much better if I'm willing to take a step when He shows me the next piece of ground.

Hmmm...funny thing, this post - I didn't expect it to go this direction and I'm not really sure what it all means but I'm always amused when I begin writing with one purpose in mind and end up in a different place. Perhaps it's just another way that God leads! :)