Philippians 4:8 From Another Perspective

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Now, what if this had been written as a what-not-to-do list...I propose:

Finally, brothers, if you find something that is false or that does not give you a firm foundation or that you may wish to be true but isn't, a thought that is shameful or that encourages hiding from the light or that doesn't fight for truth, things that are wrong or evil or perhaps just not in staying on God's side of the fence, those things that are dirty and vile or maybe only slightly tarnished, whatever is ugly or imperfect or negative, things that are to be hidden from sight and disposed of instead of revered- if you find things that are not in keeping with God's standard, that don't glorify Him, that drag you into the world and take you farther from God - do not spend any ounce of your time thinking on such things.

Not You

Confession time: When I'm working through big things in my life I tend to talk to God while I'm driving along the road. So, if you ever pass me and I appear to be engaged in a deep conversation with nobody, that's likely me just working things out with the Lord.

This opening is important because on the way home today I was talking to the Lord about some big issues in my life; struggles that I just can't seem to wrap up in a neat package and emotions that leave me frustrated and a bit down. So, I was just talking to God, getting things off my heart and I found myself saying, "It's not you, it's me." As soon as the words passed my lips it made me laugh because it was such a funny thing to say when conversing with God!

After I thought about it though I saw a couple of things that I can take away from that random line. The first has to do with the statement itself and the fact that it rarely is God that I can blame for the things in my life that I struggle with. So much more often it's my thoughts or feelings running amok that cause the trouble, not God wrecking havoc on my neatly (!?) ordered life! So the reality is that when I'm walking through yucky things, so often I need to be looking at my own part in them and making sure that I'm not trying to cast the blame towards Him.

The second has to do with the typical context of this phrase. We all know that it most often comes into play during the closing statements in a relationship (to refer to such tumultuous talk in such a lawyerly context doesn't seem right but it'll do for now). When thinking about this in relationship to God, I realized that there are times when I feel like throwing in the towel in our relationship and how crazy that really is. How could I ever think that the solution to anything is to 'break up' with the perfect, holy, awesome God of the universe and walk away on my own? This might work on a human level and leaving an ill-fated relationship may actually be the best choice but it's never going to be the best choice when it comes to the Lord! This all just made me think of how much I need to (and truthfully do) rely on God in all my days and how I need to make sure that no matter where my path leads that I'm not trying to walk it in my own power and leave God out of the picture.

Anybody have a map?

This week I could really use some help from somebody who knows what I should be doing with my life better than I do!

I'm trying to figure out what the best step is for me to take with my career and the distinct possibilities are very opposite and very time sensitive. There's a position with my current company that I have been encouraged to try for or I can start making plans to return to school in some capacity in order to completely switch job fields in the future.

There are pros and cons in both directions but I honestly don't feel strongly in one way or another and that makes the whole process one of second-guessing my thoughts and making list after list to try and determine the best move to make. Oh yes, and much prayer too! :)

Now, there are those who would just say that I like to worry so I'm making this a bigger deal than it should be. I'll agree that I'm not new to the worrying game but I'm also not sure that what I'm doing here is worrying. Maybe it qualifies and I'm just trying to think my way into validation. Definitely a possibility!

So I guess I'm just struggling and instead of not writing anything I thought I'd let you in on the struggle. An old friend of mine challenges me with his writing to let people see the journey, both the mountains and the valleys, and I want to do that here.

For now, I'll continue weighing the options and hoping for a big neon sign from heaven pointing in the best direction. Change is never fun but I look forward to where the path leads next - unknowns and all.

Back on the Homefront

It's been two weeks since I stepped off a plane on my journey back from Kenya where I had been for 12 days.

When I first returned back I would have said that the trip to Kenya didn't change me very much - that it was wonderful and that I loved working with the people but that I didn't really sense a huge change in my thoughts. Now that more time has passed I realize that I have changed - in some ways for the better and perhaps in some ways for the worse.

I recognize with greater clarity the overwhelming abundance we live with here in America and yet see how much less happy we are than the Kenyans who own much less but rejoice much more. I struggle with this reality while knowing that God places each of us in our corner of the world for a reason - one is not better than the other, just different.

The struggle for sensing God's will for my life has grown larger in the time since I returned - the questions of how and where I spend my time and resources seem more pressing. My experiences in Kenya have made me think a lot about where I am and what skills I have and how best I should use those. While I have thoughts about what this might mean to me, I struggle with how to start the process of putting thoughts into action. I have to force myself to not overthink this journey and instead to step forward with faith even when I can only see a small light pointing in a direction. I suspect that these thoughts are not going to end anytime soon!

As I sit here today, weighed down by responsibilities and expectations, I miss Kenya. I miss the people that I met and worked with over there, both fellow Americans and Kenyan brothers and sisters. I love America and those that I walk through life with but there's much to be said about a journey across the globe. It makes the important things more clear and the less important things fade into the background.

I'm blessed by the opportunity that I had to travel there and hope someday to return. For now though, I carry on my journey on these shores, not knowing where I'll end up but only knowing that even when I didn't see it, I was being changed by my latest trek.

Return to Reality

Yes, it's been ages since I last wrote. Yes, I do still remember that I have a blog out here. Yes, I know that the five people who read it are probably frustrated that I haven't written anything in over a month! Yes, I will try to be better! :)

I do apologize for the length of time between posts but in my defense, things in my world have been swirling like crazy and I was out of town for two weeks in there! Ok, enough excuses.

Today was my first day back at work after a week of forced vacation - that's something that sounds good until you realize you have to use your vacation days during the time designated by the company. It was hard to come back but I think that after a couple days things will start rolling again and I'll get back in the groove.

My week off was full of home improvement projects and I have to say that for as much work as I did, my home doesn't look much better than it did at the beginning of the week! My biggest struggle is the yard - a word I still use rather loosely especially in the front. I knew that I was in trouble when I learned how much it had rained but then I got a notice from the city telling me that my grass was too long. I had figured that I'd be ok because I didn't have a homeowner's association but it turns out that the city too can get in on the deal. Of course, I suspect that I have a neighbor to blame but I'm trying not to point fingers when I don't know if I should.

So, all this to say, things have been busy but I do want to continue writing to check back in to see what new things are going on in my world - I can't promise they'll always be thrilling but hopefully they'll entertain somewhat!

Thanks for checking back in - I'm happy to be back!