Aauugghhh

Darn it all...I miss my blog!
I want to write and I just don't have time.
I'm so disappointed in myself...I was actually writing relatively regularly.

Rats. Time to quit everything so I can blog.

Ok, maybe that's not the best solution.

I'll just figure out how to juggle better!

Hopefully back with more shortly.

:)

Desire

Worship the Lord your God and only the Lord your God. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.
~Luke 4:8

How much I desire to live a life that could be defined by this verse! I was driving home this evening singing the song "From The Inside Out"* by Hillsong at the top of my lungs and as I sang the chorus, I thought of how much I desire to pursue Christ with everything that I have but, at the very same moment, I was overwhelmed by the reality of how often I stop short of that goal.

I am quickly blown off course by busy schedules, random thoughts, and unanswered questions. I find myself trying yet again to put pieces together that God hasn't moved and then wondering how in the world I'm supposed to figure out what to do next. Clue phone: I'm not supposed to be figuring out that stuff. I'm supposed to be focusing on what He's put in front of me today (but that's a discussion for a whole other post).

I long to pursue God and not falter along the road but I feel like I find myself so often sitting on the shoulder picking daisies instead of chasing after Him. Frustrating story and one that I seem to be content to keep writing.

I guess when I step back I have to say that I've made progress on this journey and perhaps I'm just expecting to microwave my spiritual life along with my career life and relational life and every other aspect of life. Perhaps I'm too hard on myself and I need to not forget how far the Lord has already brought me. It's possible.

However, I also think that it's possible that I need to keep recognizing when I fall and stop running as I know I should. Those times when I entertain thoughts of slowing down and giving up and settling for the immediately available. See, if I ever have hopes of living the life I claim to want, then I can't stop disciplining myself towards that goal.

I may never reach it (in fact, I really don't expect to in this life) but I continuously want to be challenged by verses that remind me of where I want to run so that I can keep modifying my steps to follow that path. So, when I wake up tomorrow, I want to remember this verse and set my heart and mind wholly on God so that I might come even closer to saying that I worship and serve only Him single-heartedly!

*This is one seriously awesome song. If you haven't heard it (or if you just need to be encouraged), do yourself a favor and check this out:

Heavy

Today's moments seem measured in sorrows. Quite frankly this is one of those days where distressing news seems to just keep coming into my world every time I plug in to the goings on beyond my office.

Today I had plans to write about something that might even have brought hope to those whose struggles I'm seeing but the truth is that I just don't feel like polishing my words and figuring out how the pieces fit together. What I do feel is sadness. Sadness for those who are hurting and trying to make sense of a world that all too often leaves us with broken hearts.

My soul hurts for those who are hurting in these moments. I long for peace and comfort and understanding and provision on their behalf.

It draws me to cry out, "Come now, Lord Jesus!" This world hurts and today I'm overwhelmed by the pains. Today I long even more for those moments when every tear will be wiped away and God makes all things new.

I can't explain the pain or bring understanding to the sorrow. What I can do is say that there is hope beyond today because God never promises without delivering.

To those who are hurting, whether I know you or not, please be comforted by the love of God and the prayers of this girl on your behalf.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
~Revelation 21:3-7

Lyrics

As I'm certain I've said before, I adore music. I particularly love the lyrics in songs that I listen to and sometimes I really just sense that God puts certain songs in my world to speak to where I find myself at that moment. I've run into several interesting lyrics recently and just thought I'd share.

First, from the song "I Would Die For You" by Mercy Me:
And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering means leaving everything behind

Second, from the song "Until I See You Again" by Mark Schultz:
Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end

Finally, from the song "Healer" by Mike Guglielmucci:
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

All of these songs are powerful but these are the words that really struck me this last week. This life is challenging but I'm so blessed by a God who uses words to speak to my heart and draw me back to Him. He truly is everything to me and my only hope is that my life reflects this every single day. I long for Him to be glorified even in my utter weakness. How He accomplishes that, I'll let Him determine. I just hope that it's apparent to those I speak with, live with, and worship with that I love Him first!

Still

Be still, and know that I am God!
~Psalm 46:10A

Last night I started on a journey that could change my life completely. I sat in a classroom full of people of all ages and realized that if I actually move forward with this then it could radically modify my direction in life. Then I got scared. As the professor spent three hours telling us how difficult this class would be and how much time it would take I found myself fearing that I wasn't in the right place. Took a deep breath and decided to just give it a shot.

Came to my job today and sat in a meeting where all of my responsibilities were listed out and realized that it just sounds like there aren't enough people to do the work that needs to happen. Tossed around scenarios and listened to teammates discuss and felt the band of panic tighten around my chest. Left the meeting, drank some coffee, and committed to doing the best that I could.

Thought through all of the responsibilities I have in my life this very moment. Realized that some dreams may not be possible. Started to prioritize.

Deep breaths. No panic. God wins in every scenario.

Being still. It seems out of sync with the world that's rushing around me. Yet it's the only thing that makes the swirling mess fall into order.

I will spend my time in stillness with the Lord because that's the only thing that truly matters. If all else falls away and I'm left with nothing but empty hands, God remains.

My life is overwhelming at this moment. I could freak out really easily. I'm not going to though.

I'm going to be still.

I'm going to know that God is God.

That's where you'll find me: sitting still in the midst of the chaos.

Quiet.