Begging

I have thought so very much about prayer in the last couple of weeks. Thought of what it looks like in my life, of what God calls it to be in our lives, of what it accomplishes and what it doesn't. I am nowhere near a finite explanation of any of these things but the pondering has opened up some new places in my mind and led me down unexplored paths. Today I'll share just one of the many.

I found myself telling someone recently that we must pray. That we must pray and that we would beg God on our knees. As those words left my mouth I realized that I had more to say, that the sentence wasn't complete. So I continued on. We must beg God...on our knees...for His will...to match our desires.

You see, I am so very human. In the humanity, I long for things here on earth. There is healing I so hope for, souls that I long to be saved, earthly things that I still desire. Yet in my prayers, I tend to go one of two ways. Either I ask only for His will to be done. Or I ask only for my desires to be fulfilled. If I'm to choose, the first is where I'd rather land but the truth is that I believe that God is not just a God who gives the bare minimum to His children. Rather, I believe that He gives abundantly, heaping blessing upon blessing in our lives when we deserve absolutely nothing.

I don't want anything other than what God wills for my life or for the lives of others. That is the one thing I desire above all others. Yet, I also long for other things, some more 'holy' and some more temporary. So in this recent discussion of prayer, I found myself realizing that it's ok to have a desire and to bring in to the One who is sovereign and fulfills every need and watches over every care. Yet in the bringing, I want His will and His glory to be my first goal, my primary hope, the one thing that I want above everything else.

Sometimes though, there is such a sweetness in seeing the places where His will intersects my deepest cries. Those are the moments when I fall, yet again, in amazement and awe and worship, before the God who not only listens, but who cares enough to orchestrate our desires to match His when we give ourselves up fully to the opportunity. These are the moments that leave me ever more in love with my Lord and ever so much more willing to trust Him with all things in my life and the lives of those around me.

For He is faithful and He loves. That, friends, is the very best that life has to offer!

Slow

This has been a slow blogging year. I find that to be frustrating for it's not a lack of thoughts or topics or things that I can share. Rather, it seems to be the distraction of other things in my life that keeps me from writing such things. Also, more often than not it's that my thoughts are so large that to try to sum them up in a reasonable blog entry is more than I can attempt! This is a busy season of life, one that's full of some of the most incredibly wonderful things I can even imagine and also one that's bringing its fair share of challenges and even sorrows. I suppose in many ways, it's just a snapshot of anyone's life at any given point!

For me though, it has manifested itself in an extended blog vacation. I'm not particularly fond of that but I'm also not particularly sure that it's going to end anytime soon. For the truth is that the real world is holding all of my attention right now and it's not leaving me a lot of time to share with those who know me online! For good or for bad, I just thought I'd share that it's not because I've lost my muse but rather that my life has grown and changed and I'm just not sure where exactly this blog will fit in.

In the long run, I guess that time will tell. Time always tells! ;)

Blessed

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence.
~Jeremiah 17:7

The hour is late and my eyes are growing heavy as I sit under the solitary light in a cold office on the second floor of this Boston church I've grown to love over the last several years. I am here in this room because I'm supposed to be studying, preparing for an exam that I must take soon and for which I'm not currently prepared. Yet my thoughts are not on these expected actions. I don't care right now about what I'm supposed to be learning.

Instead, I'm drawn by the words on a simple plaque. They are written in gold, shimmering under this soft light: Jeremiah 17:7. I love these words because their truth is so simple and full of abundance. There's no promise of worldly gain or perfect lives or really any specific things save one: that we should be blessed.

Think of that! The blessing given by the hands of a mighty loving God. Is is not enough that we should be able to trust the Lord at all or that He should be worthy of our hope and confidence? These things alone should be abundantly satisfying for any of our moments. Yet God is not a detached character, leaving us to fend for ourselves and asking us just to trust Him with no action on His part.

No, He promises that we will be blessed. Not only is there such peace in actually trusting Him but we're also promised that there is blessing to be found in the doing of such things.

I know I'm tired. I know that it might be a miracle if I pass this test. Yet somehow all of these things and many more pale in comparison to the beauty and peace and joy that is my relationship with Jesus. For He is truly good and He has blessed me beyond comparison. His blessing fully outweighs any cost that I might pay in following or trusting or hoping in Him. What an amazing equation, based on the abundant love of a faithful God. I am overwhelmed.

Things That Are Wrong

Ok, just one thing really.

This makes me sad:
I know, it's just a minor blip in the sunny, springy, lovely weather.

Yet this is how it makes me feel:

:(

Just sayin'.

And don't freak out because this is my second post today. Unlikely to become a regular habit! :)

Cleaning...Because it's Spring?

I am a saver of things. Not in a completely out-of-control, going to end up on some show about hoarders kind of way but in a sentimental manner.

The problem is that my sentimentality can get a bit out of hand at times.

Enter Spring.

For some reason, I am compelled to clean in the spring. I guess clean is actually the wrong word for it. I'm compelled to toss out/organize/reduce/shine up everything! Now, it's not unusual for me to get home and just start cleaning the kitchen. That's normal and to be expected (you can ask Shanda).

Spring brings about a whole new side though where I'll start in the kitchen and I just don't stop because there's so much stuff that can be shined up, wiped off, put away, moved around, and generally made prettier. I have no clue why this happens.

Am I alone in this habit?

BTW...this is not an offer for me to come and clean your house. Unless you want to pay me. Then we can talk. :)