On Plans and Why I Shouldn't Make Them

You really can't plan your life. To everyone out there who's currently working a plan, dreaming up a plan, or thinking that someday there will be a plan...my advice is to stop.

I don't mean that you should stop setting goals or trying to accomplish things or stop investing wisely with your time and resources and everything else. I just mean that you should stop clinging to your plan.

I don't say these words without feeling conviction. See, I was the plan girl. I like plans. I have theories about why plans work, about how things happen, about the when and where and who of everything in life. That's been me in a nutshell.

Here's the thing though. God doesn't think too much of my planning. I have seen it throughout my life as He's changed my direction, refocused my attention, or simply bumped me off of the road I was on. And now, as I sit here on January 12 of 2011, I am beyond amazed at how wrong my plan really was.

See, I had plans on how and why and when my life would move. I had it all figured out. I should have learned earlier that my plan(s) may not work out according to my original thoughts. Yet I was (and often still am) stubborn. Stubborn and so uncertain and blind to so many things.

It has been over three decades of watching God work out His plans for my life. I didn't get from there to here without frustration and wondering and annoyance but, in the end, I find myself here. I am just an example of a person who is very slowly learning that my plans are really not the best. I would be well served to realize that my story and where I find myself today is fully not the result of my planning and that what is to come can't be written by me either.

I am fully and completely dependent on a God who works out His plans in His timing for His purposes. I should hope that one of these days I would set aside my own desire for writing the story and simply let Him work it out. For now though, as I prove to be the world's slowest learner, I am content to revel in His goodness and faithfulness even when I try to peek just a bit more around the corner at what is to come.

Alexander and I

Some days just don't start out the way I want them to. There's nothing that I can point to as being wrong and I know deep in my heart and mind that I have nothing to complain about. Yet I am being grouchy.

Everything just seems a bit more overwhelming, a bit more frustrating, and a bit less in keeping with how I want it. Some might say it's just Mondays in general. Others might say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed (although that would imply that I slept in bed instead of on the couch last night which would be an incorrect implication). Either way, it would be simple enough to just chalk it up to a rough day, to say that situations just aren't aligning and that I should just wait until tomorrow for things to look a little brighter.

A tempting option, no doubt. Who doesn't sometimes just want to throw a pity party for the day and let everyone else deal with their bad mood until they're ready to be cheerful again?

I'm tempted to do the same, I really am. However, I honestly don't think I have a leg to stand on when I consider what I am called to live like as a believer in Christ. Last time I checked, there really isn't a picture of Jesus just being a jerk to people because He felt like it. He wasn't known for just blowing the annoying people off or for pouting in a corner when He didn't get His way. There's nowhere that I see Paul telling me that it's cool if I want to speak negatively, throw around a little bit of a fit, or generally have a foul attitude just because it's how I want to act.

The reality is that I'm called to a higher level. I'm called to be a light in the darkness, to be doing away with negativity and coarseness. I'm called to reach out in love and compassion to the most unlovely of people. It's not just a calling on the days when I feel like it, it's a calling every single day that God gives me.

So it leaves me wondering, how exactly do I fight against what I want to do and instead be the cheerful girl who focuses on the positive and doesn't just sit down in a pity pile? So I think about Jesus (which is always a good place to start). While there may not be stories of how He became frustrated or angry for no good reason, there are plenty of stories that show just how human He was and the Bible is quick to tell us that He was tempted in every way that we are. If that's true, what might He have been doing that would keep him from being a grumpy Gus?

I'm going to just guess here but I think that it has something to do with the way that He would retreat into solitude, how He would go off and spend time in prayer and meditation. Not just once but often. Regularly. On purpose. For long periods of time.

There's value in that. I know it because I've experienced it. Could I likely benefit from the same refocusing time? Absolutely! Could it help refine my attitude and turn me from selfishness to compassion and from negativity to optimism? It certainly couldn't hurt!

So perhaps today, instead of just giving in to the temptation to be a brat, I will take a bit more time to spend away from everyone, to put a bit more focused attention on the truth of the scripture, and to give a little more time to talk to my Father.

Oh, and Alexander? He can keep his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day to himself! :)

What now?

6.5 months.

How has so much time gotten away from me?

How very much has changed since my last post. I almost don't know where to start. I almost don't know if I should even start. There is a part of me that thinks that maybe I should just let my season of blogging be over. That I should not try to pour any more of myself out into this computer for whomever to read.

Then I remember that I had goals for 2010. I even wrote them over on the right side of this page. One of them: cultivate artistic ability. Another: Live a life of risk. Also: Spiritual disciplines.

Does this blog not serve to help me along the journey towards completing these goals? I feel as though it does, or at least that it could. The story of this Jen is not completed. The truth is that in many ways it's only just beginning. I don't think it's fair to myself to simply stop writing forever as though I have actually reached where I hope to be. For I haven't. In many areas I'm not even close. So I think that perhaps I should write again. Not for those who might read this but rather for me. Which, in the long run, is who this whole experiment really should have been for anyways but I suspect that's another topic for another day.

So I may only have a little over a month of 2010 left but maybe I can make some progress on my goals. Just maybe, I can work a little farther along this path before we ring in 2011. There is much to say, many stories to tell, beauty to capture and hold onto and ponder.

Maybe this little corner of the internet is the place.

I kind of think it should be.

Desperation

We hear the word desperate often, usually with a negative connotation, usually in situations where there is a deep need of rescue or we're drowning in hopelessness or despair. Those are the times when we get desperate.

Lately I've been wearing out the Hillsong CD "All Of The Above" (seriously, the lyrics from this CD will rock your world) and there is a song called "Desperate People" with this chorus:

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
And see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

Year after year people will sing this chorus, will hum along, will appreciate the artistry. Yet how often are we really living out lives that reflect a desperate desire in our minds and hearts for Him? I feel as though this theme has been coming up in my life increasingly often and I am really being challenged by questions such as this.

Does my life and the lives of other Christians around me really reflect a sold-out passion for the things of God? Do we truly desire, above everything else, to know Him and chase His heart and allow His desires to become our own? I am convicted of the many times in my own life that this is not the case.

Go back to the beginning of this post though and remember when we usually see desperation...it shows up at the point of deepest need. I need a heart that is overcome with the neediness of my own life and personal shortcoming in every aspect. I need a heart that beats in line with His, that is broken and devastated by the things that dishonor Him and break His heart. I need to recognize that there is nothing that I can do to live the life He has for me apart from relying completely on Him. The truth is that I am desperate. Desperately in need of a savior. Desperately in need of transformation.

It's just that so often I settle for singing the lyrics and not really living them out.

Understanding

"[M]uch of the Christian life is spent trusting Jesus now and understanding him later."
-Jon Bloom

This sentence may sum up so much of the tension I feel as I try to walk in step with the Lord. It's not that I don't want to follow, it's not that I don't love Him. It's just that I long for understanding, oftentimes more than I long to trust.

From the time I was little, my desire for instant gratification has led me in frustrating paths of dissatisfaction and disillusionment. It's been one of those things that I've had to push up against and challenge as I've grown older and I'm no longer as impetuous when making a large purchase or so hasty to complete a task. Yet I still fight against the requirement to trust Him and walk with Him now while knowing that understanding is not in reach, or at least not guaranteed to be close by.

So I grow bit by bit in this walk, learning that it's not really His understanding I truly need, but rather, it's just Him. Or perhaps, more eloquently stated, "Our understanding his purposes in a particular providence tends to be not as important to God as our trust in his character." (Jon Bloom)

*All quotes from this article.

Technology

I used to think in terms of blog entries. Everything that I encountered was assessed as having potential for ending up on this site.

Now I'm more likely to think in terms of Facebook statuses. I find myself thinking up random, interesting, sometimes witty, sometimes weird sentences that I can type up and set as an accurate description of my thoughts and feelings of the moment.

I've refused the temptation to Twitter and am holding out hope that I won't actually give in.

Here's the problem that I see with all of this:
I think I'm becoming more shallow because I'm not really investing time in thinking through things and figuring out how pieces fit together.

This blog used to be a place where I would write a lot of devotional pieces, reflections of mysteries explored in-depth during my time with the Lord, things that I thought would challenge and encourage others because they'd done so for me. I would take bits and pieces from what I'd read or thought or heard, shorten them up, add my thoughts, and post them here. It was already shorter than my journalling but it was still thoughtful.

Then came Facebook and I stopped trying to sum up anything. I just try to be interesting and get my thoughts across in few words without being too specific (after all, the whole world doesn't need to know every little thing about what's driving me nuts at the moment). It's fine but I think that it's encouraged me to be lazy.

I like Facebook, I like blogging, I like technology. What I don't like is when I see myself accepting one sentence as a good enough self-assessment of where I am at any given point. There should be more to my thoughts than that and I need to spend the time to get them organized and reviewed and written. I need to fight the tendency to have ADD with my writing and find ways to challenge and push myself instead of tapping out a few words and moving on. It will be hard. It doesn't match my current tendency to do more with less time! Yet I don't think that people like C.S. Lewis or John Piper or Dallas Willard were afraid of taking the time to ponder. Not that I hope to compare myself to them but I think I could probably learn a thing or two (or hundreds) from the depths of their thoughts and writings.

I think I've been allowing technology to drive me towards a much more shallow perspective and I sense the need to reclaim the opportunity in each moment for pondering the depths and stop letting myself be happy in the shallows.

Mysteries remain mysterious often because we don't take the time to study them and discover their source and effects. In the end I don't want this to be said of my life and thoughts and I want to leave behind something more substantial than a bunch of Facebook statuses or some trite blog entries.

Not sure what's to come but this is some food for thought.

Risk

I saw this video last night and it really struck a chord with me. The truth, and something I've mentioned before, is that I can so easily let myself be paralyzed by fear instead of boldly stepping out into new situations. It's something that I know I need to always allow God to work in and it's also a place where I feel like I've made progress through the years. Yet I still find myself shying away from situations that make me feel as though I can't succeed or that require great risks. I recognize that it's really silly for me to fear when I'm backed up by the God of the universe but I still find myself doing it.

All that said, this video reminds me of why I always need to be pursuing risks when God opens doors. Life is never about just being safe. There's nothing that I can do to add to or take away from the number of days that He has ordained for me. Regardless of how scared I might be to jump, I can do so knowing that God goes before me and when my primary pursuit is Him then I'm freed to live with arms truly wide open. I want Him to look at my life and be proud of the way I grasped things He placed before me. I want to learn to both succeed and fail boldly.

Risks are sometimes meant to be taken. That's where you'll often find God holding you!

Generosity

The world of the generous gets larger and larger...The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.
~Proverbs 11:24-25

It's so easy to hang on to our treasures, believing that they'll do us better by remaining in our possession. God calls us to such a different mindset though. He challenges us to hold all with open hands, giving to those in need and seeking always to offer to others what we might want to keep for ourselves. This isn't an easy task sometimes, regardless of what is actually being given. Yet in the most excellent manner of God, He abundantly blesses when we choose to let go.

Whether it's time or money or possessions or space or your heart, know that in the holding loosely and giving to others you will be blessed in ways far beyond what you can imagine. I've seen it happen in my life and in the lives of many others. It's just how our God works! Backwards from the world but ever so beautiful to those who experience Him!

Alabaster Boxes

³While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head. ⁴Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? ⁵It could have been sold for more than a year's wage and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly. ⁶"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. ⁸She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. ⁹I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."
~Mark 14:3-9

Today is the third day of Passion Week, the days leading up to the celebration of Christ's resurrection. This past Sunday so many years ago, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, knowing for certain that the appropriate time had been reached for Him to offer up His life as a sacrifice for all. Today finds Him at the home of Simon, spending time with those He loved and continuing to teach them about the reality of what He came to do. In the midst of a discussion with the men, we find this story about a boldly courageous woman and her actions.

Here's what I'm struck with as I read this passage: this act was an enormous risk for her to take. She was a woman approaching a group of men, preparing to pour oil over one of them. I can only imagine the courage that it required for her to take that box and go to the house, to grab it from where she'd placed it when she entered, and to approach Christ as He sat with the others. Huge risk!

Yet, huge reward!

She took a chance; pushed herself to take action when prudence called for her to avoid it. Her love of the Savior eliminated her fear and drove her to leap off the cliff of safety and into the land of risk. She had to know that the outcome was uncertain but she also knew there was no choice for her in that moment but to express her adoration of Him with action. That He so vocally affirmed her simply reflects the depth of His compassion and love for those who pursue Him. For her, it was an outcome unknown and yet, in the risking, she received a beautiful new experience with her Savior.

I envy this woman. I so often fear and struggle to step out in total faith to the places where I'm uncertain and scared. Risky love frightens me and it is hard for me to be moved toward boldness. I am fearful at times to dump out the contents of my heart upon the Savior and discover what He has for me. Yet there are also moments when the imperfect love I have for the God who saved my soul drives out fear and I rush off the cliff into whatever He has called me to with arms open wide. Moments when I am so fully and completely aware that what I have in God is worth any rejection or ridicule that I might face from the world as I follow Him. Those are the moments that I love!

As I reflect on the action Mary took with her alabaster jar, I hope that I will grow ever more willing to follow the Lord completely with exuberance and the total faith that He will never fail and therefore I can risk when He calls me to do so. I want to be led by the Savior and open to taking chances even if they seem to be in places where the risk is too high. I want to break my very heart over the feet of Jesus and be willing to follow to whatever new places that action opens up before me.

I desire to live a life defined by following Christ above all fears. To know that when He calls, there is no risk so great that it outweighs the benefits of running after Him. He is always bigger than the risks. Now to just act!

Ducks

Last night I was talking with my roommate and while I can't remember the entire conversation that led up to it, I made this statement and it just stuck with me.

"I like all of my ducks in a row. God isn't like that. God likes ducks everywhere!"

It's kind of funny and it makes me laugh but it also reminds me of the biggest ongoing struggle in my relationship with the Lord. I like things to make sense. I like them to line up and be in order and be explainable. I find day after day that God just doesn't work like that. He has these plans and purposes and stories that are unpredictable and out there and zany. The harder I pursue my relationship with Him, the more I find that my life hardly resembles the logical path that I would have chosen.

This is hard for me to accept because I fight against the scattering of ducks! I envy those who are able to more quickly adapt to an ever-changing landscape and I think that they are probably more easily able to run with reckless abandon after the Lord. I long to be that way. I hate that I like things in boxes because the pain that I bring on myself by holding on to the boxes makes things really hard. I want to hold loosely to the stories in my life. I want to embrace the ducks wherever they are and stop trying to herd them into a line.

I want to let go of the rules and expectations and boxes and follow Him wherever He leads. I want to approach life in a more carefree manner resting in the knowledge that my path is directed by a God who adores me and has perfect plans and purposes for each thing that I encounter. I'm not saying that there isn't a time for order and planning but this walk through life isn't something that I have the ability to direct and it would be nice if I would start acting as though I know that's true!

I guess to sum it up, I love that He created this personality in me because I know He purposefully did so and He put me here for this time and place. However, I don't want to let it keep me from chasing after Him in complete surrender. I want to make sure that my life isn't becoming all about my plans but instead that it is always about His plans and following the light that He gives me for the moment I'm currently in.

Maybe today I'll take a little step and let some ducks run a little bit amok!

Stubborn

Ok, I think I have a problem.

I just read something about how God sometimes challenges us and it struck a chord with me. Yet, instead of stopping and pursuing it and pulling it out and examining my life and actions, I closed the website and said (out loud), "Nope, no way, I don't want to hear it."

Hmmm...anybody looking for a dose of conviction because I've got some that I'd like to pass on to others.

Since when do I act like a three-year old with her hands over her ears saying, "I can't hear you!"?

Obviously I've got some work to do.

Rats.

Wrestling

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
~C.S. Lewis

I am fighting the Lord right now. I don't like to admit that because I'd prefer to act as though I've got everything together and that I'm a shining example of how to live this life following the Lord completely. However, I'm really not all that shiny and the truth is that all I really am is a muddy, fighting, imperfect, unworthy recipient of His eternal grace. All that and He still loves me...unbelievable.

I hate wrestling with God. It frustrates me because I know that in the long run I will have to bow before Him and surrender to Him. I know that's where this all ends up and, ultimately, that's where I want it to end up. Yet in the battle my stubbornness and my sinful heart stand up and proclaim that things need to be done my way. That this time I've got the answers and I want to go with those. Right now I want to be the one who leads and not the one who follows. I work myself into this intense struggle and then I am just so incredibly stubborn and I don't want to back down.

It's ugly but it's honest.

The thing is though that I don't ever want to be the second person in the quote above. I don't really want God to just let me run free and clear, choosing my own haphazard way. Sure, I wrestle and fight and struggle against Him in moments like these but the truth is that if He were ever to just let me go I would be terrified. Even as I stand here stubbornly I know that I truly would rather go where Jesus leads than to make my own way. Ultimately, I'd rather run to the ends of the earth or wait for thirty years or jump off the highest cliff with the Lord than to enjoy blessings upon blessings without Him. I want my life to be defined by Him and not have Him be defined by my life.

This battle is one that I'll eventually lose.

Even in the midst of the struggle, I couldn't be happier with that outcome.

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
~Psalm 84:10

Loose Ends

Here we are. T-minus 2 days until the final seconds of 2008 are counted off and 2009 begins.

I can hardly believe that another year has passed, that Thanksgiving and Christmas are now only memories, and that radio stations are playing out the top 50/100/500 of 2008.

It's time to tie up the loose ends. To make the new resolutions and think about where I hope to grow and change and believe in the coming year. It's time to close the door on some old dreams and allow God to open it on new ones. It's time to take note of all God has done and where He's still working on me. It's time to make decisions to leave behind things that I don't want to take with me and to hang on tight to the things that I want to carry.

We're here at the end. Here's where I take stock and give God the glory for the last 365 days and pray for Him to be glorified in the next. These are priceless moments where I am overcome with gratitude and worship for God who has done so much. Moments where I'm excited about the journey to come and thankful for the journey that is passed.

I look back today so that I can move forward tomorrow.

Now is the time.

Words

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
~ Proverbs 12:18

Every once in a while I see something that is convicting to me and I want to share it with others. This video is one of those things.



It speaks to me of so many things: the power our words have on those around us, how we're most likely to use our words in cruel ways with those we love the most and how easy it is to put a mask on when we walk through the doors of a church or any place where others will be watching.

I'm often challenged by the words I say and how I say them. I may not currently be a wife or a mother but this short video reminds me that the things that I speak do impact those in my life. I have choices every day in the way that I use my ability to speak. Sometimes I use those opportunities for glorifying the Lord but other times I find myself saying things that are certainly not the best use of the mind and mouth God has given me. I am often realizing how cautious I must be in the words that I say and how I must always be asking the Lord to use my words for His purposes to encourage and build up others.

There are many things to say and many things to say them about. May we all be challenged to use our words carefully that we will bless others and bring glory to God!

Just my 2 cents on the topic! :)

He Is

He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth— the LORD God Almighty is his name.
~Amos 4:13

I stumbled on this verse this morning and absolutely love it!

As you have probably noticed if you read this blog, I've lately been fighting through the desire to define my path and determine the outcome of the journey I find myself on. I struggle to listen to God first and to set the voices of the world aside as they often make more immediate sense to me. I've questioned the direction and wondered if I'm missing something or if I could do it better myself.

This battle is pointless. I know that and I still choose so often to engage.

Then God reminds me, yet again, of who He is and why my arguments are always insignificant and incorrect in the face of His majesty, knowledge, and power. Every day I wonder who I must think myself to be to fight against this God. I recognize that my greatest wisdom is foolishness to the One who rules over all things.

Here's what truly amazes me though: this God who sits in authority over all things still chooses to reveal His thoughts to man! Even though I fight against Him and question His plan and fully deserve to be cast out of His presence for my impertinence, He still chooses to meet with me and speak. I am amazed at that...in awe, in reverence, in repentance. How dare I be so bold and how can He possibly be so kind? I will never understand this God but I am overwhelmed with gratitude that He chooses me anyways.

I have so very far to go on this journey. Day after day I see just how much I need a Savior. I hope to never reach a point where I don't recognize my utter dependence on Him.

He is so good. We are all so undeserving. He loves us in spite of that. Absolutely amazing!

Training

We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best.
~ Hebrews 12:9-10 (The Message)

Do you ever have those days where it seems like God basically has to send you to the corner and tell you that it doesn't matter that things seem unfair, it's still the way that it is for reasons that you can't understand? That was my yesterday.

In somewhat two-year-old fashion and without the complete dramatics of major tears and throwing myself on the ground, I basically pitched a fit because I was frustrated and life just seemed unfair. Immature? Absolutely! Did I recognize what it was in the middle? Nope, not really. In fact, if you'd asked me I would have told you that I was just overwhelmed and frustrated and attacked from every side. However, this morning, as I was studying, I realized that it wasn't really that at all. It was really just me, claiming yet again that I deserved better or more or that this perceived unfairness wasn't meant for me. I'm sure it was charming. I'm sure God was thrilled with it.

Not.

The whole thing did teach me something profound though, something that I had known in my head but hadn't fully experienced in my heart. I realized that God doesn't give in to my tantrums. Sounds silly, right? Critical for me though. I needed to be put in my place a bit and I needed to be reminded that God isn't someone I can bully by throwing a fit and yelling. I saw God as a parent yesterday, a parent who loves me more than I'll ever understand and puts up with me even when I'm a brat and one who doesn't change His plans for my life just because I yell about them. He is one who knows better than I and has a reason for the exact place that I'm in. He makes the plans because they are for my good and in following them I really can learn how to best live.

I needed to see that. I needed to go to the corner and repent of my attitude. I needed a time out.

I still don't like waiting. It's still a struggle for me. Today, though, I'm a bit more humbled and a bit more patient and pretty darn sure that God's telling me that I'm in the right place and I need to wait it out. I can fight Him on it or I can submit. After yesterday I think I'll work more on the submission and less on the fight.

Just Wait

Today's Battle: Waiting

Battleground: Jen's Life

Common Foes: Impatience, Desire to hurry, Thinking the destination is known, Emotions

Known Allies: Prayer, Scripture, God Himself, Forced Stillness

Current Status: It could go either way - Impatience is currently fighting it out with Prayer and the battle feels far from over. Further bulletins as events warrant.

:o)

Stuff

Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
~ Matthew 6:19-21

I've been cleaning out my house a lot over the last month in preparation for a new roommate. I'm excited that I'll have somebody else living here and can't wait for all the crazy adventures that are certain to occur as this house goes from being a relatively quiet abode to being an open door invitation to many friends! I can't wait!

However, the process of preparing for her arrival has made me realize something. I have too much stuff!!! I'm totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff that I've accumulated over the years and truthfully, it embarrasses me quite a bit. The thing is, all of the things makes it look like my life is centered around accumulating stuff. I'd like to say that there's no way that's true - that my focus is on God and the things of God but the verses above are convicting to me. If it's really true that God is first, then why have I spent so much money on stuff over the last decades?

I would say that over the past year I've become more deliberate in this area - spending less on random stuff and really thinking through purchases but I see that there is more progress to be made. Here's the funny thing though, as I'm sorting through all the stuff and deciding what to throw out and what to donate, I realized that I would give up all the stuff for some very intangible things in life. The truth is that at this point in my life, as I look at all the stuff, I realize that I would give it up in an instant for things like friends and family, the salvation of those I love who are lost, and the ability to follow Christ wherever He leads.

I'm not saying that stuff isn't nice and that I don't appreciate a home that really feels like home but I see that I have too much and I'm going to remedy that because I am realizing that most of it just has very little importance to me when compared to other things.

This is an interesting journey...one I've been on for a while. We'll see where it ends up but at the culmination of all my days I don't want someone to walk in my home and define me by the sheer quantity of stuff that I've amassed. I want to eliminate the excess in my life and in doing so, allow God to train my heart to treasure the immeasurable heavenly things over the tangible earthly goods.

Prayer Challenge:
Please continue to pray for the team members who are returning even now from the Amazon. Pray that God will use this last day of travel to speak to their hearts and challenge them as they come back to their everyday lives. Find a prayer calendar here!

Towards

You let [your] distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets.
~ 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Today I woke up thinking about the course that my life has walked lately. The past couple of years have been full of experiences and challenges, both good and bad, and I am closer to the Lord now than I've ever been (which really just makes me realize how far I still have to go). I've walked through some of the deepest valleys that I have ever faced but looking back I see how I allowed those challenging times to push me to the Lord. There was mighty temptation at times to turn away and decide that I just couldn't keep walking where I knew that He'd placed me but by His grace I didn't turn.

The verses at the top are challenging to me though and here is why: I don't think I have an understanding that allows me to really see things in the true light of eternity. I love God and am loved by Him but I struggle with regret in instances and I feel loss. These verses speak to me of being able to look at it all, both good and bad, and dwell only on our relationship with the Lord. To allow every single circumstance to deepen our knowledge and passion for the Lord and to value that above all other things. To be thankful for the pain because it brought us closer to God and to be thankful for the blessing because it brought us closer to God, not because it made us happy.

I desire to allow all my struggles to turn me towards the Lord and I sense there has been progress in this area although I know I'm not there yet. However, there is an equally necessary change that needs to happen in being able to truly place the most worth on God and to not be affected by the things of this world except as they impact that relationship.

That's hard. I'm not there. I know few, if any, who are. There's more to ponder here. However, this is something to think on for now. What do these verses make you think about?

Prayer Challenge: Lift up the team in the Amazon as they reach Brazil and travel up the Amazon river towards the villages that they'll be ministering at. Download a prayer calendar here.

Wide Open

Open up before God, keep nothing back; he'll do whatever needs to be done:
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon. Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him.
~ Psalm 37:5-7

There are moments when I'm tempted to hide from God. Moments when I don't really want to be honest about what I'm truly feeling or thinking or hoping for. These are usually moments when I know that my faith if faltering or my desires might not be lining up with Gods or I'm just wanting to rebel.

The thing is that this is such a silly attitude to have because no matter how I feel, I'm still always going to be trying to hide in vain. There's nowhere to escape from His presence and knowledge and reality.

Here's what I love though: when I am honest with God and truly bring the gross stuff out into His presence then He goes to work on it and changes it from darkness to light. He makes the changes that need to be made and then He stands back and smiles in approval as I become more like His Son! How amazing is that?

I like to try to hide but God loves me to let Him know what's really going on. He loves me so much that He wants to help me clean out the closets and vacuum up the spider webs in my heart. Then He shows off what He's done in the daylight, for everyone to see - not that they would see me but that they would see Him! Unreal!!!

Then there's the command at the end: quiet down before Him and be prayerful. Isn't this where it all starts anyways? How can we be honest if we won't first talk and how can He do work if we won't first listen? God loves to refine us. He just wants us to run to Him, throw open our lives to His purposes and plans, and then give Him the glory for all that He can do. I don't think it gets much better than that!