Anybody have a map?

This week I could really use some help from somebody who knows what I should be doing with my life better than I do!

I'm trying to figure out what the best step is for me to take with my career and the distinct possibilities are very opposite and very time sensitive. There's a position with my current company that I have been encouraged to try for or I can start making plans to return to school in some capacity in order to completely switch job fields in the future.

There are pros and cons in both directions but I honestly don't feel strongly in one way or another and that makes the whole process one of second-guessing my thoughts and making list after list to try and determine the best move to make. Oh yes, and much prayer too! :)

Now, there are those who would just say that I like to worry so I'm making this a bigger deal than it should be. I'll agree that I'm not new to the worrying game but I'm also not sure that what I'm doing here is worrying. Maybe it qualifies and I'm just trying to think my way into validation. Definitely a possibility!

So I guess I'm just struggling and instead of not writing anything I thought I'd let you in on the struggle. An old friend of mine challenges me with his writing to let people see the journey, both the mountains and the valleys, and I want to do that here.

For now, I'll continue weighing the options and hoping for a big neon sign from heaven pointing in the best direction. Change is never fun but I look forward to where the path leads next - unknowns and all.

Back on the Homefront

It's been two weeks since I stepped off a plane on my journey back from Kenya where I had been for 12 days.

When I first returned back I would have said that the trip to Kenya didn't change me very much - that it was wonderful and that I loved working with the people but that I didn't really sense a huge change in my thoughts. Now that more time has passed I realize that I have changed - in some ways for the better and perhaps in some ways for the worse.

I recognize with greater clarity the overwhelming abundance we live with here in America and yet see how much less happy we are than the Kenyans who own much less but rejoice much more. I struggle with this reality while knowing that God places each of us in our corner of the world for a reason - one is not better than the other, just different.

The struggle for sensing God's will for my life has grown larger in the time since I returned - the questions of how and where I spend my time and resources seem more pressing. My experiences in Kenya have made me think a lot about where I am and what skills I have and how best I should use those. While I have thoughts about what this might mean to me, I struggle with how to start the process of putting thoughts into action. I have to force myself to not overthink this journey and instead to step forward with faith even when I can only see a small light pointing in a direction. I suspect that these thoughts are not going to end anytime soon!

As I sit here today, weighed down by responsibilities and expectations, I miss Kenya. I miss the people that I met and worked with over there, both fellow Americans and Kenyan brothers and sisters. I love America and those that I walk through life with but there's much to be said about a journey across the globe. It makes the important things more clear and the less important things fade into the background.

I'm blessed by the opportunity that I had to travel there and hope someday to return. For now though, I carry on my journey on these shores, not knowing where I'll end up but only knowing that even when I didn't see it, I was being changed by my latest trek.

Return to Reality

Yes, it's been ages since I last wrote. Yes, I do still remember that I have a blog out here. Yes, I know that the five people who read it are probably frustrated that I haven't written anything in over a month! Yes, I will try to be better! :)

I do apologize for the length of time between posts but in my defense, things in my world have been swirling like crazy and I was out of town for two weeks in there! Ok, enough excuses.

Today was my first day back at work after a week of forced vacation - that's something that sounds good until you realize you have to use your vacation days during the time designated by the company. It was hard to come back but I think that after a couple days things will start rolling again and I'll get back in the groove.

My week off was full of home improvement projects and I have to say that for as much work as I did, my home doesn't look much better than it did at the beginning of the week! My biggest struggle is the yard - a word I still use rather loosely especially in the front. I knew that I was in trouble when I learned how much it had rained but then I got a notice from the city telling me that my grass was too long. I had figured that I'd be ok because I didn't have a homeowner's association but it turns out that the city too can get in on the deal. Of course, I suspect that I have a neighbor to blame but I'm trying not to point fingers when I don't know if I should.

So, all this to say, things have been busy but I do want to continue writing to check back in to see what new things are going on in my world - I can't promise they'll always be thrilling but hopefully they'll entertain somewhat!

Thanks for checking back in - I'm happy to be back!

2-Second Day Brightener

I went to Starbucks today after stopping by the doctor's office to have some blood drawn - I figured I deserved the treat! :)

While I was there I watched no fewer than three customers take their drinks from the barista (so fancy to know what they're called) without so much as a smile, a word, or even eye contact. Now, I know that you might not always find the best humor at a coffee shop prior to consumers receiving their desired product and having found time to consume it. However, when did it become okay to not even see that it was a human being handing out your coveted drink? You would have thought that these people were walking up to a machine and having it dispense their cup o' Joe.

So, my solution to this is to stop wherever you are served by another person and take two seconds, just two, to do the following:

1. Make eye contact.
2. Smile.
3. Say, "Thank You."
4. Say, "Have a good day."

All this can be done in two seconds and I guarantee that not only will the recipient respond favorably, but it will brighten your day too! Think I'm crazy if you will but I challenge you to try it and see if it doesn't just put a smile on your face too.

Also, let's not forget that those who serve us are also those that we're called to serve. Let's not find ourselves not giving them the acknowledgment that they deserve simply for being people that God loves!

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." - Proverbs 12:25

Weathering the Storm

Today my timing was off.

I stalled at my house thinking that whatever storm was turning my house to night and requiring me to turn on the lights to find my shoes would blow over before I had to leave. Well, after about 15 minutes I decided to try the other tactic and see if I could make it to work before the rain came down. I was wrong. I ended up trekking to work through the worst part of the storm which had not been my goal!

This was one of those storms that cut the visibility to almost nothing and was accompanied by lots of wind and many lightening bolts. I drove through it praying the whole time that I would safely make it to work and struggling to not let my anxiety grab hold too much. With a couple of narrow misses, I arrived safely and was able to get into my building.

While a storm is not an unusual occurrence, being face to face with this one made me think about how I always have a choice in how I'll respond when a storm blows into my life. Storms tend to arise in so many areas, whether physically appearing on the horizon and dumping buckets of rain or showing up in the spiritual realm and leaving me drenched in unexpected emotion and doubt. When each one comes, I have a choice to run around in fear, frantically trying to make sure that I'm controlling each aspect of my environment or I can choose to press on through it, holding tight to the Lord as my stable point in a shaky world.

I find that the more I take the second approach, the less phased I am by the storms I encounter. Sure, some of them knock me down and leave me reeling but I am seeing that through the years, my response to turn to the Lord is becoming more instinctual and I'm weathering things with more faith and less doubt. I think this is one area where practice does make perfect and while I doubt I'll ever get to the place where nothing can topple me, I do believe that the more I lean into the Lord, the more I am able to stand up through the winds. Today's storm was just another reminder of the fact that I can find peace in the middle of anything that may happen around me as long as I look up and not around.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to an excellent song that I've been hearing a lot lately by Mercy Me. It's called "Bring the Rain" and seems appropriate for today:

"I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"